About two and a half months ago (holy smokes, it was that long ago already!?), I stood in front of the Darlington United Methodist Church and told my story. It was one of the most thrilling, engaging, enlightening things I've done. And by the end, I was like "ha, take that speech class!" Anywho! A few have been wanting to see the entirety of the piece (because the recording was cut off with about 3 minutes to go). I feel like re-recording it would be a mistake because I would want to re-create what was there, which is impossible. So, I will give you the words I spoke. Only, written. It was an honor.
"When Justin Beiber came out with
his autobiography, I was with a majority of my friends in thinking how stupid
it was. I mean, (at the time) he was only 17 years old. What in life could he
have done? Since then, I’ve had three blogs, a “web series,” and have written a
few papers about different aspects of my life. Needless to say, I better
understand how one might feel the need/want to share different experiences with
the world. However, when Diana asked me to speak today, after a surge of
excitement and honor, I was also filled with the questions of “what have I
done?” I mean, thinking back to all of the different testimonies I’d heard,
they were of people who were older, wiser, more experienced than me. What can I
contribute?
Then
I immediately got rid of the stress I was putting on myself of “contributing”
this great philosophical journey where I knew what God’s motive was the whole
time. Instead, I’d simplify and tell my story. So far.
So,
here it goes.
Once
upon a time, in an Episcopal Church far, far away, a baby Mary Catherine Taylor
was baptized. Once that holy water hit her forehead, she was transformed into a
glittering baby and ascended as Jesus, in a full Liberachi suit played a full
Halleluia chorus on the piano as his Angel Backup Singers sang and Jesus belted
a super high solo note.
Okay,
I may have taken some artistic liberties there. Truth is, I don’t remember my
baptism. I was like three days old or something. But my outfit was stellar.
Bonnet and all.
Growing
up, I remember going to church the beginning few years of my life, and then
picking it back up right around the time I started high school.
In
the beginning part of my life, I was an annoying little girl who couldn’t sit
still. Some things never change. We went to St. John’s Episcopal Church in
Crawfordsville. All I knew about the service is that I really wanted to try on
that huge white coat with the huge sleeves that the guy breaking bread was
wearing. And that mom let us have gum after we drank that
grape-juice-gone-wrong and stale, grainy chalk bread. No, frankly, I remember
next to nothing about my time as an Episcopalian at that age.
The
middle time (I like to call Mary’s Middle Ages. Not because they were dark and
gloomy and that I had to fight off dragons. It’s really just called that
because I noticed a pattern), we didn’t really attend church. We never really
discussed God, or Jesus, or church, or The Bible. Not to say that my childhood
was empty with a whole lot of dark happenings. No, I think that Sunday became a
day that was hard t get up early for, really. And my childhood was awesome. I
have wonderful parents who, without whom, I wouldn’t understand the love of God
and the gift of unconditional love. They taught Andy and I to think for
ourselves, so long as it was through love, compassion, and understanding.
Then
came a breakthrough. At my 13th birthday, when Alisha Burns had given
me a wondrous magazine/book/thing called “Revolve.” It was a kind of New
Testament in the language of teenagers. I didn’t know what I was looking at, or
attempting to read. And even though I couldn’t get passed the first paragraph
because of this weird, dense language, I was captivated. I couldn’t stop
thinking about it. Not long after that, we received a gift from people handing
out, what I thought, were Bibles. In actuality, it was The Book of Mormon. But,
still! I asked my dad the difference between the two. And where did Mormons
come from? Are we Mormons? What’s the difference between Mormons and Us? Are
they Christian? Are we Christian?
Can
we go to church?
I’d
finally asked. And, for a few years, we tried to make church a regular thing.
Some might say we tried going religiously. We tried a few services at St.
John’s, but because of political differences, Dad decided we stop going there.
So we tried Darlington United Methodist Church. Jim Spencer was the pastor
then. By that time, we’d almost got the rhythm of going to church, but we were
far from perfect. We’d go a couple of times, stop for a while, go a few more
times, stop. I was relatively unphased by it. That’s fine. We’ll try again some
other time.
So
that was it. Our Sundays were totally free. I’m not sure I could go so far as
to say my curiosity stopped, it’s just I didn’t know what questions to ask. It
was too overwhelming. So, time passed.
Then,
one day, Tommy and Shirley Thompson were on their way to our neighbors house.
To set things up for those who don’t know, Mr. and Mrs. Thompson live across
the street from us. I have grown up loving their house and loving, just as much
as their house, their lawn. Mr. Thompson works wonders everyday in that magical
lawn, I’m sure of it.
Anywho!
We
were outside, as well. So, we stopped them and started chatting. They had said
that a new pastor is leading DUMC. “A young one” with a wife whose voice was
gorgeous.
Wait,
there are young pastors? In all of the movies, all of the times we’d gone to
church, I only remember older people. They allow young people to lead a church?
We decided to go that Sunday and check it out. Turns out yes, they do, in fact,
allow younger people to lead.
Andy
and Leslie Payton were a pretty powerful couple. I remember after the first
service we attended, I went up to Andy, shook his hand, and said, with totally
honesty and amazement “I stayed awake.” Like 100%. I was with him. He drew me
in, told a story, and weirdly, I got that there was a part of my life (or more
than one part) I could do better. Like, I somehow got that I can better my
life! Let the curiosity commence.
Through
Youth Group, where Andy and Leslie would ask intriguing questions and lead a
discussion, questions on top of questions arose. I began to see a little more
of what everyone is talking about. I began to understand that the word
“Christian” doesn’t always mean the fire and brimstone Christians we see on the
sidewalk with a megaphone. I started asking how do I really pray? How can I get
closer to God? Am I too young? Do I have to like Christian Rock? Why are there
different decorations for the cross? I almost made it a point to ask a question
at the end of a service, when I was commenting about another great sermon.
Then
came the worse. The worst news anyone could ever hear (I thought). Andy and
Leslie were leaving. Their tenure here at DUMC had ended.
What
am I supposed to do now!? They can’t go! I still have a bajillion of questions
and now we’re going to get a random person I don’t know and they’re gonna be
all like “gah, you’re all doomed!” and I just… GAH!
I
thought for sure, the world was ending. There’s no other explanation.
So,
as with the rest of the congregation. We waited. We waited to see who it was.
Who was going to lead the church next? And how can he or she even compare, in
the slightest, with the Paytons?
Then,
we received a postcard. With a young couple (score). A bright redhead woman who
was pregnant, a man with blonde, spikey hair, and their daughter. With the
postcard, a letter reading how excited they were to join DUMC. My parents,
along with many others, I’m sure, were skeptical. And though I shared some of
their skepticism, I was still really impressed that they took the time to send
all of us one of these cool postcards and letters!
Our
first Sunday there with the dou-pastoralship, thing was like something I’d
never experienced before. Maureen used the piano, Bryan with his guitar, jokes
(during the sermon!) and all-around excitement. I was blown away. They
delivered. They really took that baton Andy had handed to them and they ran
with it. It was almost other-worldly. Then Youth Group! I mean, we continued to
ask questions and discuss and read and understand.
Whenever
I had a question, randomly, I’d Facebook them immediately. Which happened
(still does) quite often. From them, I understood better how to show the love
of Christ without trying to convert people against their will. I learned that
“everything happens for a reason” can sometimes be a cop-out response. I
learned that God is with us, mourns with us, yet makes beauty out of our
mistakes and missteps. Through them, I learned that an open mind isn’t only
okay in the Christian world, it’s actually super useful.
This
past October, my grandmother died. A woman I’d grown up with and was, truly, my
second mother. It was the first, very real, very close death I’d ever
experienced. Ever. I mean, my dad’s dad (my Pop Taylor) had died in 2009, but
we live in different states. Not saying I didn’t mourn, but this was different.
I had started seeing the suffering my mom was experiencing. Well, that everyone
seemed to be experiencing. I suddenly started thinking things like “maybe it’s
better to keep my distance.” To not get close to anyone, then I wouldn’t be so
heartbroken when they go. I started thinking about other deaths I might have to
experience. Could I do it? I mean, really? Then I started thinking about my
grandmother. I mean, is she really gone? Forever? Like, when I go out for
visits she won’t be at that kitchen table doing her wordsearches? She won’t be
calling us telling us to tune in to Oprah because “you’ll want to see this!”
She won’t be reading ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas to us anymore? She’s
really gone?
We
find God the most in tragedy. My mind was on constant running mode for what seemed
like forever. Then, on my way back to school from home where I’d spent the week
of her death, viewing, and funeral (it felt like three years), a rush of calm poured
over me. I smiled, willingly, for the first time in about two weeks. I was
relieved.
I
went to school and vigorously looked up anything and everything I could about
Heaven. About God. About afterlife. And for about four weeks, I felt like,
quite literally my grandmother watching me. Almost to the point where I was
like “okay, grandma, I got this, thank you.” I decided that my grandmother was.
I decided to go deeper in this Christian life, or walk with God. I decided that
I needed to find the love of God everywhere. Because it is everywhere.
Now,
I continue to read the Bible (almost) daily. In one way or another. I have
found other ways to know, understand, interpret, and spread the love of God.
Whether simply through showing appreciation, or a kind gesture, or even a hug.
I still ask questions. Loads. I am considering after-school options, and
seminary is on my list. I continue to grow closer to God. During Lent, I wrote
a Lenten Promise Blog and found solace contemplating, questioning, looking through
The Bible, social issues, theology, and God. Finding the love of God in every
post.
A
defining point in my walk, though, and an experience I’m going to leave you
with was at school. I was waiting for a bus to take me to WalMart because I
needed to get groceries. While waiting for the ever-so-punctual (that was a
joke) bus, I saw a group of people walking past. One with a sign reading
“Reasons you’re going to HELL!” One with a megaphone, one with a stool, one
with pamphlets. Now, the only thing I see when I see people like this is hate,
and being roped into something simply because of fear. Personally, it doesn’t
work for me. And I totally get that they are doing it out of love, but it
doesn’t really read. I wanted, nay, needed to do something. So, I added
cardboard and poster markers to my shopping list. When I got back from WalMart,
I wrote “LOVE is Bigger than the Boogie Man,” simply to let people know that
God is love, not fear and hate. And I stood by them. Right by them. They had
said things like “how can this young lady know what love is without Christ!?
REPENT!” I didn’t say a word unless I was asked a question. At the end of my
time there, I shook the hand of the leader of the REPENT SQUAD and simply said
“I know you mean well doing this. I just wanted to tell you that I’m praying
for you and I love you.” I just kept remembering that “love your enemy” and
“offer the other cheek” verses. Expecting this guy to tell me I know nothing
about love without repenting, he simply looked me in the eyes and said, with a
huge sigh “amen.” It was humbling. I had shared one of the most intense,
humbling moments in my life. Through simple communication, eye contact, and a
few words, I had experienced the true love and hope of Christ. Through a
stranger yelling at me to repent! Who knew?
Thank you."
Woo!
Mary Taylor
