Being with someone is hard. Not like being in a committed relationship is hard (but I'm sure it is). Like actually caring for someone and being there with them and for them. Whether it is a committed relationship, a friendship, a family member, stranger, etc. Being there for them is tough. Because it could be any number of things. When people think of friendships, though, they think of how awesome the person is. All of that tough work is never in their minds when they think of "friendship." Interesting, right?
Until a few years ago, I took "friendship" (or any relationship, really) to mean that you stay only in the good stuff and never venture to bad territory. "Bad territory" includes (but not limited to) something in your teeth, you're acting stupid so a friend brings it up, mistakes from the past, mistakes currently being made, etc. That's what moms do. Why would I try to mother you?
However, about mid-way through my freshmen year in college, my roommate showed me that helping someone see their changeable flaws in a light that is gentle enough, it's okay. Now, I'm not saying flaws are bad and that all of us should remain flawless. That makes no sense. What I'm saying is that if a mistake is made, in any way, a friend can point it out, talk it out, etc., and still be good friends. Pretty mind-blowing, I know.
Since then, I've spoken to a lot of my peers, my friends, my classmates, my parents, my brother, about situations where either I have made a mistake and we talk through it and see how I can make it better, or what they have done and we talk about ways to make it better in the future.
When I'm in the discussion, it gets easier. But when I'm getting ready to have that talk, there are infinite amounts of nerves. Like actually countless. What if they take offense? What if I say it wrong? What if he/she throws a tomato at my face? There are countless questions. Of course, it never has ended as badly as that. I'm discovering that honest conversation can be had. So long as it keeps in the mind of making the relationship/person as strong and awesome as we know it (or they) can be. If we open ourselves up to the thing that is bigger than us, such as a relationship, we tend to use our ears and hearts more than usual. Pretty nifty, right?
What I've learned: relationships aren't just the good stuff. It's actually a lot of talking about ways to be our best selves. It's about staying with them through everything and still being that person at the end of the day to be like "you done good, kid," or "we'll work on it." or "how about you try it this way," or "you made a mistake there, but that's okay." Or "hey, that was pretty good. Go, me!" or "we'll work on it," of "how about I try it this way," or "I made a mistake, but that's okay. I'll ask forgiveness." That's what it means to be there. It gets tough. But by the end, there's almost nothing like the feeling. Let's stick together and love each other and know we're flawed and try to be the best we can be. For all.
Woo!
Mary Taylor
I know this is supposed to be a Women's power thing, but the "we can do it" goes to all humanity, men, women, and any other gender. We can do this. Let's do it. Together.
Until a few years ago, I took "friendship" (or any relationship, really) to mean that you stay only in the good stuff and never venture to bad territory. "Bad territory" includes (but not limited to) something in your teeth, you're acting stupid so a friend brings it up, mistakes from the past, mistakes currently being made, etc. That's what moms do. Why would I try to mother you?
However, about mid-way through my freshmen year in college, my roommate showed me that helping someone see their changeable flaws in a light that is gentle enough, it's okay. Now, I'm not saying flaws are bad and that all of us should remain flawless. That makes no sense. What I'm saying is that if a mistake is made, in any way, a friend can point it out, talk it out, etc., and still be good friends. Pretty mind-blowing, I know.
Since then, I've spoken to a lot of my peers, my friends, my classmates, my parents, my brother, about situations where either I have made a mistake and we talk through it and see how I can make it better, or what they have done and we talk about ways to make it better in the future.
When I'm in the discussion, it gets easier. But when I'm getting ready to have that talk, there are infinite amounts of nerves. Like actually countless. What if they take offense? What if I say it wrong? What if he/she throws a tomato at my face? There are countless questions. Of course, it never has ended as badly as that. I'm discovering that honest conversation can be had. So long as it keeps in the mind of making the relationship/person as strong and awesome as we know it (or they) can be. If we open ourselves up to the thing that is bigger than us, such as a relationship, we tend to use our ears and hearts more than usual. Pretty nifty, right?
What I've learned: relationships aren't just the good stuff. It's actually a lot of talking about ways to be our best selves. It's about staying with them through everything and still being that person at the end of the day to be like "you done good, kid," or "we'll work on it." or "how about you try it this way," or "you made a mistake there, but that's okay." Or "hey, that was pretty good. Go, me!" or "we'll work on it," of "how about I try it this way," or "I made a mistake, but that's okay. I'll ask forgiveness." That's what it means to be there. It gets tough. But by the end, there's almost nothing like the feeling. Let's stick together and love each other and know we're flawed and try to be the best we can be. For all.
Woo!
Mary Taylor
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