It Is Finished

      Well, it's come to about that time. A time when I spend reflecting this past 40 days. A time when I look at what I was doing 40 days ago and look at where I am now. I gotta say, a lot has changed. Mentally, physically, spiritually. The biggest thing that's happened these past 40 days, though, wasn't a blog post. It wasn't The Langdoc Team moving (although it was a close second). It wasn't Psych ending (although, that was pretty high on the list). It was listening to the Daily Audio Bible. It was listening past the daily scripture reading and review. It was hearing a caller respond to someone's prayer request with a (rough) quote "I believe that when Jesus uttered 'it is finished' He meant the suffering for sins."

      Wait, what!? That's what He meant? I thought He meant that He was done. Like He was dead. I always associated it with Him dying since that was always what came right after that line. I knew He had dies on the cross for our sins, but the weight of that was something I never (still don't) fully understood until that moment I heard the fellow listener say that.

      Here's a hint of what that means. Before Jesus, whenever someone would sin (as in touch something unclean, eat something unclean, etc.) the person would have to find a sacrificial animal and sacrifice it to God, the High Priests being the "witnesses" to the sacrifice would then deem you unclean or clean and it was just this big process. Or the "government" would take care of you how they saw fit. But since Jesus, that is unnecessary. Since Jesus, we have discovered that the sacrificing is not needed. Since Jesus we are taught that the main goal is to love. Wholly and entirely and truly.

      Since then, any and all sins are washed away through Jesus' death. Meaning He pretty much was like "I'll take the bullet on this one," only it was for everyone. Of course that if a gross (more than gross) under exaggeration of it. Jesus suffered the ultimate sacrifice. Meaning He gave away God's greatest gift: life. A lot of people (myself including and maybe only me) think that Jesus just went through His life being stoic and stuff. The fact is, He was looking forward to all of that as much as we would. He prayed (Matthew 26:39), "O My Father, if it be possible, let this cup pass Me by, not as I will, but as you will." He held on to every hope He had to just give Him a little more time. Just maybe not yet. Just maybe a couple more days.

      But, as we all know, it didn't wait. Couldn't wait. Through these times where He could have gone back on what He preached. Could have taken it all back. Could have run away. Could have not offered the other cheek. Could have not walked with His (then) enemies two more miles. Some, now, would call that stupid. Others would say that is a teacher fulfilling what He has taught. Not only to fulfill some prophecy. Not only to "set a good example." But for all of us to be forgiven. Religious or not. Criminal or victim. Republican or Democrat. "Right" or "wrong." We are loved. We are eternally forgiven. How beautiful is that? How radical is that? To be forever and always forgiven.

      Now? Now, well, we have free will. We have life. We have love. We have each other. Now we are given these amazing, beautiful gifts of life and love and free will. Now we make the best possible life we can. Through our choice. Through our love. Through each other. We help out. We love. We reach as a helping hand. We reach for a helping hand. We try to live the best lives we can. But most importantly, we do it in love and gratitude.

Thanks,
Mary Taylor

 I couldn't decide which one to post.

What Jesus Means to Me

      In my area of life, religion, mainly Christianity, gets a bad rap. I mean, to be honest, if I didn't know much about it, I'd be part of that group always giving it a bad rap. We really only hear about the Westboro Baptists, the street preachers yelling at everyone for not repenting, the "you need Jesus or you're doomed" people, the "we're fine the way we are. We must not change" people, the "your opinion is invalid" people (who we find both in religion and out of religion). Just a lot of negativity about Christianity. I always feel myself feeling the need to explain myself when people say Christians are dumb, or when I say I'm a Christian so people don't "get the wrong idea." Then I started realizing that being a Christian isn't a bad thing. Like at all. It's actually super cool. Even cooler when you find someone who isn't religious, yet still happens to have the same views on life as you do. It's all pretty cool.

      See, being a Christian means something totally different to every single person in various points in their life. I'm starting to see that, for me, being a Christian is amazing. I am embracing Jesus and trying to be what Jesus calls me to be. I have come to the understanding that Jesus calls everyone to love with their whole heart and truly seek to help everyone you can. To me, Christianity isn't about getting to Heaven. It's about loving all on Earth and treating everyone with all the love you can muster. Doesn't mean not getting mad every once in a while. Doesn't mean not getting upset. Just means living your life through love and compassion.

      Really, something I'm getting more hip to is the concept that my progressive mind has a huge place in this stereotypically conservative, traditional thing called religion. I will always point to the fact that Jesus was the most progressive thinker of His time. He treated absolutely everyone (man, woman, child, etc.) equally. He didn't go to what everyone at that time was going to: war and brute force. He went to the concept of loving all. He spoke mainly about giving to the poor and helping all. He spoke about loving thy enemy and He spoke about going the extra mile. All of these concepts never before thought of.

      Opening my heart to Christianity has only opened my mind more and opened my heart to the world. I have started actually talking to people with opposite views as opposed to arguing and not hearing them. I've started becoming more responsible about how I treat the Earth (our huge gift from God). I've started understanding that speaking about God is not annoying. It's not the scary God. It's not the God that throws us on Earth and makes awful things happen to us. It's a God who mourns with us, who laughs with us, who loves us, who wants the best for us, who wants us to love.

      At the end of the day, I am a proud, ever-growing Christian who seeks to love as Jesus loved. A Christian who seeks equality. A Christian who seeks to aid all she can. A Christian who seeks to do something. A Christian who seeks to better understand. A Christian who seeks to open her heart and mind even further. Seeks to better love. Seeks to better self. Seeks to better the world. Through love.

Love always,
Mary Taylor

What Can I Do?

      Facebook has become a pretty sacred space. When I say that, I mean, most people in my age group tend not to put much on Facebook unless they're huge announcements and updates. Partially because we want to get as many "Likes" as possible, partially because we have those people that post way too much about super personal stuff and we don't want to become that guy. Until rather recently, I hardly ever post things. Not for any particular reason other than I just didn't find anything worth sharing. My news-sharing site is Twitter. Then I realized how weird that sounded and have become more free with my sharing and posting.

      I know what you're thinking. "Mary, this has nothing to do with God or anything. Who cares about your Facebook activity?" I get it.

      Well, lately I've been noticing a lot of news posts and opinion posts and nature posts and all sorts of posts all worth seeing. Something that I'm noticing more and more is that Facebook (and any social media) has the potential do be huge platforms for huge, wonderful changes and unity in the world.

      I follow this Facebook page called "UpWorthy." What the site really strives to do is to inspire people and to bring up subjects that are not really brought up all that often. Recently, I saw a video of theirs that brings up the harsh reality of what happens to the people working in the factories that most of our phones come from (watch the video here). It consists of many people in a country we (or at least I) tend to distance ourselves from. Many of the factory workers are fighting cancer because of the Benzene in the process. Something that, in this day and age, should not be tolerated: having workers work with highly dangerous chemicals and dangerous work conditions.

      I fought long and hard. Do I post it and waste a post on Facebook? Or do I just become aware of it and throw it out? Wait. Why is that even a question? Of course I post it! People need to aware of this and stop it. I mean, since I'm in college and broke, I can't do anything, but I'll spread the word. So, I posted it.

      Then a friend shared the post. In her immediate response, she asked "What can we do about this?"

I was baffled.

      She.... she asked what we can do about it. She reached out to her friends and followers and asked what we can do. Instead of complain about this awful thing and "just become aware" of it. She asked what can physically be done now. How amazing is that?

      In that moment, I saw the potential for this Facebook thing. To really ask questions and actively seek change for those things that need to change. Not just become aware of them, but actively seek a resolution to the problem. My mind was blown entirely.

      I guess I thought I was being a "good Christian" by even opening my mind to this issue. But to actually seek a solution was something I wasn't expecting. Then again, Jesus really didn't become aware of a situation and sit on it. He actively did things. The whole time. Every single story. You don't hear the story of a blind man coming to Jesus, begging for help, and Jesus just going "oh, man. That sucks" and walking away. No. He helps the man. He helps everyone. No matter how far they are, no matter how untrusting, how helpless, not matter what. He actively seeks the solution. 

      Since then, I've not been too precious with Facebook posts. I post things that I think matters. I've thrown out the idea that people will stop liking me if I share my opinion and instead started seeking out those with differing opinions to attempt to fully understand where they're coming from and so that they understand my meaning. I've started asking questions like "how can I, as a broke college student (sometimes) half a world away, help this?" Have I come up with tons of answers? No. But asking is the next step. Right after "becoming aware."

Now if I can just get to the next step: doing something.

Thank God for Facebook.

Mary Taylor

Improve Night!

      As a collective, my acting class tends to go through this huge roller coaster called "college" together. Like we're all on the same ride, some people in the back of the ride, some people in front, but we're all on the ride. We are in the midst of discovering so much about ourselves and how we work and it's amazing. It's actually a very huge time for personal growth.

      Earlier today, I had a discussion with a few friends about how to be better people in loving the world and ourselves and how to really accept and listen to what people say. It was kind of mind blowing, actually. One of my friends, who is the most eloquent person I know, said that when people offer suggestions, you saying "well, that won't work," or "that takes a lot of time," or "what's the point?" really diminishes what that person has to say and you won't actually grow from it. Which was mind blowing.

      I can distinctly remember me saying that about so many things in my life. But what if I take it on? Those tasks? What if I strive to actually work hard for even more happiness and goodness. I mean, I do already have so much, but what if I worked for more!? I mean, that would be stellar, right? And some days it won't work, but the days that do will be that much brighter!

      Another thing that she said, that I constantly forget, is to let yourself feel bad if you feel bad. There are sometime you need to cry it out or talk it out or you just need a day to breathe and just live in the mood you're living in. It doesn't need to be happy-go-lucky all the time. Sure, there are worse things that could happen, and you feeling bad shouldn't mean you still don't feel blessed (or however you look at life). It's that for this moment, you need to breathe and be there and go back on the happy-go-lucky train the next go around.

      All in all, I discovered a lot of things today. It's hard to really elaborate on them because they're still in the "mind blown" phase. But it was a super uplifting talk and really put a lot of life into perspective.

Woo!
Mary Taylor

The dark clouds are there sometimes. But the sun always comes back.

Come Together

      This is an advertisement series for Shaq's new shoes. This 1 minute-long fun little banter-filled clip is pretty cool, at first. Just a bunch of guys in the barber shop, discussing basketball legends. The men happen to be African American. Then in walks a white guy dressed in the basic 1970s high school basketball attire, complete with knee-high socks and a sweatband around his head. The men around him silence completely and he offers his opinion on who was, in fact, the best of the best in basketball. The shop unanimously continues to throw him out of the barber shop.

      I'm not saying the advertisement is racist. I'm saying I think it is an unfortunate problem we still face in America where all races can't come together and stand together equally. What could be read in this advertisement is that white people have no business with black people and vice versa. That we can't all share experiences together. Sure, it's "just a shoe commercial," but it says a lot of things. Big things.

      What I mean is that it is important to continue to move forward in this fight for equality. The nation of African Americans and allies fought too long and too hard for there to be a hint of segregation in this day and age. Spreading messages like this already sets a tone for mistreatment and separation. We split ourselves away from each other naturally because of continuous messages like this one.

      But I'm challenging that what if we were to stand as one. Sure, we have vastly different stories and histories, but isn't it worth learning from each other and moving forward together? Not putting it in the past and leaving it there, but learning from the past. So that there  can be a common ground for all humans. No matter the color. No matter the gender. No matter the orientation, sexuality, religious beliefs, etc. What if the 21st century is a time when that actually happens? Where we don't have advertisements treating any race, gender, sexuality, (etc.) better than, but we all stand as one. I think it's worth trying.

      Sincerely,
Mary Taylor

Money ≠ Happiness

      It's becoming more and more clear to me that money and happiness are not synonymous. Now, I know what you're thinking. "Duh, Mary. That's been said forever. There are tons of quotes about that." I know, but growing up, our parents talking about how they are going to make the next payment and constantly talking about how much is in an account an budgeting each cent so carefully, sometimes money does seem like the key to a happy, easy life.

      When I was younger, though I didn't consider the money when I decided I wanted to be a performer, from what I could tell, they have it pretty easy. I mean, the big movie stars earn more than the President. Of course, I discovered that job security isn't really a thing in "show business" and that most artists earn very little money, if any, doing their art. But at the time, I was thinking I picked the perfect path. It'll bring me happiness and money.

      Now, though, I've decided that the only career paths that (almost) guarantee is that of a medical doctor. Though I appreciate what they do a lot, it's not for me. I've tried looking into careers that will lift the burden of debt from me and make life easier in the monetary realm, but I can't. I can't bring myself to do any of those things. I've found unbelievable beauty in comedy, acting, singing, ministry, community, etc.

      So, maybe my career path won't be one that brings me piles of cash so that I can pay off all my debt and still have a lot left over for charity and for the next update to my iPhone and buy the movies I want and get me everything I "want." But my career path, no matter where it will lead, will maybe bring joy, hope, life, love, all things that are actually hugely important, to the world. Even if that world only consists of two or three people. That is where happiness lies. Happiness lies where your heart lives. Where you find the easiest ways to laugh, love, hope, etc. That's a pretty cool place to live.

Woo!
Mary Taylor

Image, once again, brought to you by my friend, Chuck Gleason.

Stories

      I saw a truly amazing play this evening that Ball State University's Department of Theater and Dance put on. Dancing at Lughnasa was the title. Was it extremely action-packed? Not necessarily. Was it fast? Suspenseful? Did people break into song and dance? Well, actually, yes. But that's not why it was amazing.

      I've been captivated by theater (and, really, performing in general) since I can remember. I never, really, was able to put my finger on. Not sure I can yet. One thing I know, there is always a story worth hearing.

      I'm constantly interested in stories and what people have to say in the story and about the story. This evening's performance was a different kind of story. It really was a flashback of a man who was remembering when he was 7 years old. It was fascinating. The way he explained how the story unfolds reminded me of how memories unfold in front of me. Randomly. And you don't really know if it's exact, but you assume what adult things were going on while you were in the other room pretending you couldn't hear.

      Lately, meaning these past few years, I've noticed what things in my memory had the 7 year-old touch. I'm sure, had I lived through those moments now, I would have a totally different spin. But if those stories didn't happen and I have the mindset I have now, I would be different. Pretty weird to think about.

      We all have stories. Tons. We could go around the room for days tossing memories back and forth. Remind us of the good ol' days. Or "if only I knew then what I know now." Or "back when...." Truth is, stories never stop. And that's what's so beautiful. We each have spins on how things happened. We each have a lifetime full of stories worth sharing. Share your story.

Mary Taylor





My brother's amazing sense of storytelling through art.

The Future (a little more personal)

      I had an office hour with one of my advisers recently. I had explained that I have no clue, really, what I want to do in life. As in I can see my life ending up in any one out of about infinity different directions. I recently started considering seminary, I've had a love for music since before Kindergarten, I am obsessed with theater and movies, I love doing makeup, I'm super into history. I mean, I just have a lot of interests.

      What you have to understand is that I've known what I wanted to do since Kindergarten. We had to choose what we wanted to be and my teacher assured us that a lot of people change, but I swore I would pick something and stick to it. I chose singer and stayed on that path until I was introduced to theater in the sixth grade. Then I pursued musical theater. Still singing. Then I saw Daniel Day-Lewis in The Crucible my junior year of high school and decided I needed to be an actor. But, really, still a performer, so I was in the clear.

      Then I get to college. I get to college and standup comedy has become a thing that I have fallen in love with. Then I discover Women and Gender Studies and how wickedly obsessed with equality I am. Then I discover I have this love for makeup. And I discover the love I have for God and the power He has given us. And I'm hugely influenced by the Langdoc team from church. So much so that I think a lot of my considering seminary was inspired by their huge awesomeness. But I still want to do music. And theater. And movies! And comedy! and makeup!

      Why not? Why not do all of the things I want to do? We live in a day and age where that is possible.

      But what I really have to remember, and what my adviser reminded me was: life's journey is just as important as the end result. I have to trust that when I'm meant to be where I'm meant to be, I'll recognize it. That I have time. That my story is always going to be a unique one. That there's nothing, really, to be afraid of. Sure I can do all of it. Maybe I won't get through the list. Maybe I'll find something totally left field of the list. But the journey is going to be one exciting one. And huge.

Woo!
Mary Taylor

The Langdoc Team

      Yesterday, I said "goodbye" to two of some of the most influential people I've met. Bryan and Maureen Langdoc, the husband-wife-pastor-team pastors at the church I attend at home left to further education in England and then to a town that is, actually, not too far away from Darlington (and one of my friends plays the piano there, so many trips to visit are bound to happen). I've asked them so many questions about life, religion, opinions, comedy, music, everything under the sun (almost). They have had a lot of cool answers and questions about my questions and, all together, proved to be two of the best people I've met. Here's a list of a few things I've learned from them.

1. Charity is still possible to give. No matter what.
2. Love is the most important.
3. Jesus was a human, too. 
4. Pastors are human, too! Who knew?
5. Not all pastors are obsessed with Christian Rock. 
6. Another image of perfect marriage: Bryan and Maureen Langdoc.
7. Another image of perfect parents: Bryan and Maureen Langdoc.
8. There's always room for understanding.
9. Speaking the truth is more powerful and useful than saying what will make the person happy.
10. Living in a small town is actually awesome and can be embraced.
11. How to embrace my small-town-roots.
12. How to love Darlington.
13. How to give a hand.
14. How to spread the Word and glory of God without shoving down peoples' throats.
15. Keeping an open mind is not synonymous with totally agreeing with the other person.
16. Forgiving doesn't always mean forgetting, but learning to live through it.
17. After accepting an apology "I forgive you" is better and more useful than "it's okay," because it's not okay. 
18. Prayer is powerful and it's nothing to be ashamed of. 
19. God is here. He's not coming, He's here. He's been here. 
20. Coincidences don't really happen.
21. How to have a hard core awesome Youth Group time.
22. How to maintain healthy relationships.
23. Living healthy and happy is good and what God truly wants.
24. Keeping the Earth beautiful shouldn't be souly a hippie thing. It should also be a God thing because we are here to help keep it up.
25. Reading is awesome.
26. Questions are to me embraced. Not always answered, but embraced.
27. Churches aren't against each other or in competition. They're working together to bring together a community of loving people.
28. Look into consumer responsibility and how it affects the world around you. 
29. Religion is nothing to be ashamed of.
30. Just be you. Who God made you to be.

I mean, I could go on for days. Thankfully, we live in the 21st Century where we have the world at our fingertips and can keep in contact. I'm very excited for them and their journey and excited for the church's journey. Thanks, Langdocs. There's never enough letters, posts, social media sites, to explain how much you've taught me.

Thanks,
Mary Taylor

All Together Now

      Being with someone is hard. Not like being in a committed relationship is hard (but I'm sure it is). Like actually caring for someone and being there with them and for them. Whether it is a committed relationship, a friendship, a family member, stranger, etc. Being there for them is tough. Because it could be any number of things. When people think of friendships, though, they think of how awesome the person is. All of that tough work is never in their minds when they think of "friendship." Interesting, right?

      Until a few years ago, I took "friendship" (or any relationship, really) to mean that you stay only in the good stuff and never venture to bad territory. "Bad territory" includes (but not limited to) something in your teeth, you're acting stupid so a friend brings it up, mistakes from the past, mistakes currently being made, etc. That's what moms do. Why would I try to mother you?


      However, about mid-way through my freshmen year in college, my roommate showed me that helping someone see their changeable flaws in a light that is gentle enough, it's okay. Now, I'm not saying flaws are bad and that all of us should remain flawless. That makes no sense. What I'm saying is that if a mistake is made, in any way, a friend can point it out, talk it out, etc., and still be good friends. Pretty mind-blowing, I know.

      Since then, I've spoken to a lot of my peers, my friends, my classmates, my parents, my brother, about situations where either I have made a mistake and we talk through it and see how I can make it better, or what they have done and we talk about ways to make it better in the future.

      When I'm in the discussion, it gets easier. But when I'm getting ready to have that talk, there are infinite amounts of nerves. Like actually countless. What if they take offense? What if I say it wrong? What if he/she throws a tomato at my face? There are countless questions. Of course, it never has ended as badly as that. I'm discovering that honest conversation can be had. So long as it keeps in the mind of making the relationship/person as strong and awesome as we know it (or they) can be. If we open ourselves up to the thing that is bigger than us, such as a relationship, we tend to use our ears and hearts more than usual. Pretty nifty, right?

      What I've learned: relationships aren't just the good stuff. It's actually a lot of talking about ways to be our best selves. It's about staying with them through everything and still being that person at the end of the day to be like "you done good, kid," or "we'll work on it." or "how about you try it this way," or "you made a mistake there, but that's okay." Or "hey, that was pretty good. Go, me!" or "we'll work on it," of "how about I try it this way," or "I made a mistake, but that's okay. I'll ask forgiveness." That's what it means to be there. It gets tough. But by the end, there's almost nothing like the feeling. Let's stick together and love each other and know we're flawed and try to be the best we can be. For all.

Woo!
Mary Taylor

I know this is supposed to be a Women's power thing, but the "we can do it" goes to all humanity, men, women, and any other gender. We can do this. Let's do it. Together.

Why Me?

      A lot of tragedies happen in life. Whether they hit our personal lives, or the world, we feel it hard every time. Never gets easier. Some are harder to really understand and really feel the whole weight of them, but we feel them nonetheless. We feel for the people directly affected by them, we feel for our loved ones, we feel for us. Until a few years ago, that was a huge struggle in my faith. If God loves his people, why does he make this bad stuff happen? Is God really destroying the world out of anger? What have we done wrong? Why is He doing this awful stuff to us?

      The most striking verse in the Gospels, for me, is in Mark 15:34 "My god, my god! Why hast thou forsaken me?" He cries out to the Lord. He. As in Jesus. As in the messiah that has been professing God's will of love and acceptance and charity. Jesus who has had the closest relationship to God. Who is God on Earth. He cries out in total anguish and he takes a moment before he dies to ask why God has abandoned him. There is some huge weight in that. Huge.

      That's something I think we've all felt at least once in our lives. There are people today wondering why God has left us. Or, if He hasn't, why He is letting the awful stuff that is happening happen.

      You guys are right. Those awful situations happening every second of every day are happening and continue to happen. And it is atrocious. However, I can't bring myself to believe God has left or that God has let or made those things happen.

      Something that blew my mind a couple of years ago is something my pastors here brought up: everything doesn't "happen for a reason." We hear that often from Christians who are trying to understand the awful stuff happening. As if God is teaching us a lesson with them or has a plan and that's why it happens. Don't get me wrong, I think He has a plan, I just think there are interruptions.

      People interrupt God's plans constantly. What with free will, we often go astray. People do things they think is right and good at the time. Whether it is exterminating an entire race because of how they "ruined a country" or selling a race into slavery because of the Biblical tradition, a lot of bad has come from the world that I tend to think wasn't part of God's plan. But he has brought things out of awful situations.

      Am I glorifying tragedies? Absolutely not. Ever. Tragedies are exactly that: tragic. I would never, ever wish any tragic event on anyone or anything. What I'm saying is that God has a plan for the World and when it is interrupted by a tragedy, He mourns with us. When we pick ourselves back up, He encourages us. When we find His path once again, we tend to find ourselves closer to Him and we celebrates with us. He makes beauty and encouragement out of the tragedies in our past. He wants only the best for us. Therefore, when tragedy strikes us, He does His best to build us back up. To make us whole again, and then some. God does have a plan for you, but the hiccups, I believe, are not from a spiteful God. But He does do everything He can to make it better.

      Our God is a loving God. Sometimes we have a hard time hearing Him, and other times logistics, like other people, get in the way of His voice. But He is there, walking with all of us. Cheering us on. Mourning with the mournful, celebrating with the goodness of people, and looking for the lost, and encouraging all. When you ask "why me?" know that that's not an uncommon question. Even Jesus had a moment when He felt our God abandoning Him, but He was there, crying out. I believe in you. God believes in you. Let's lift each other up.

Guiding for Passions

      I don't actually stress out in the normal sense (whatever that is). I don't really think about what's due until about an hour (or two) before it's due. No need to get stressed. It'll get done and it'll be great. What I do stress about is what I want to do.

      From the time I was in Kindergarten, everyone wants to know what we want to do next. What do you want to be when you grow up? Do you want to go to college? Where? What's your major? Oh, what will you do with that? Not that those questions are bad. I'm not a big fan of when people tell me questions are invalid and stupid and annoying, so know that that is not what I'm saying here. I'm just saying it has me constantly thinking about the answers.

      But I don't have them.

      Will I stay in a field like my major? An actor? Will I go to grad school? When? Where? Will I stay in an acting program there? Will I pursue music a little more? Will I go after that history degree? What about seminary? Will I do standup? Comedy? SNL? But what about the city...? Will I do something with kids? Will I teach? What's going to happen with me?

      Until recently, I thought that, for some reason, those questions needed to be answered pronto. But, actually, they don't.

      I was going through our make-shift Barnes and Noble here on campus in the religion section and there was a book that said on the cover (something like) God will lead you. As in, no matter your dreams and wants and needs, God knows.

      Personally, until pretty recently, this whole "God will bring you through it" thing sounded super cheesy and weird. Like, yeah, I believe, but let's make it even more cheesy. Jeez.   But then I started to understand what it meant.

      All of the adults I know, like actual adults that have been doing it for a while, have this huge, interesting journey. My dad is in love with cars and knows everything there is to know about them. My mom has been doing art since she was a kid and babysat just as a teenager, and now has made a career out of both. My professors here talk all the time about the moment they knew something switched for them. As in something brought them to where they are now. And is bringing them through other things they do.

      Pretty significant.

      As in we're not done developing. By the end, I get that God is actually moving us through the path. Whatever happens, even the unexpected, He lights the path for us. He guides us through it. And we, ultimately, are where we are meant to be. Until we want to go further. And it's exciting. And awesome.

      What I'm learning that, first of all, I have time. And second of all, as long as I keep the vigor I need for life and keep an open mind, God will bring me through it. He will light the path I need to take. I believe. I have faith. I'll find my path. And I'll keep developing. Thanks to God.

I know I've posted this picture before, but Lupita Nyang'o is an amazing human who really puts the inspiration back in acting for me.

Last Days of Judas Iscariot

      My freshman year here, at Ball Statue University, the Department of Theater and Dance put on a controversial production called The Last Days of Judas Iscariot. It was mind blowing. It questioned fate, Hell, saints, who we deem as blasphemous, and so many more things we question constantly. It certainly had me thinking and I still think back to it and just sit and wonder about it forever.

      The play took place in Purgatory (for more information about Purgatory, visit here). Judas was in a corner, and a judge sat center, upstage. A lawyer of that life brought his case out and decided to hold a trial defending him. Another lawyer against him. We heard testimonies from Saints and sinners alike. We even heard from the Devil himself. The Saints broke the stereotypes and the Devil was a dapper man. Ultimately, Judas' case is ongoing. For there isn't anyone holding him in Purgatory. It's his guilt. He holds himself prisoner. Jesus comes to him at the end and holds him, showing his forgiveness. It's really a great play and I recommend it to all, religious or not!

      This was a crazy (but stellar and awesome) play that totally turned my world of thinking upside down. I guess I assumed that Judas was a bad guy since he betrayed Jesus, so he goes to Hell, right? I mean, obviously. He's like the evil one in the New Testament, right? No one ever wants to be like Judas. Right?

      It is believed that Judas and Jesus were the best of friends. There was a boundless trust and love going on between them. But, Mary, why would he betray Him? Well, I asked my pastor and Google and this book named "Zealot" and the Bible and cool things. Historically speaking, everyone thought the Messiah was going to do things like overthrow the current kind of government and win the war. He was going to fight with the power of all things and was going to free them! But how crazy that this guy comes to town with miracles like healing the sick and loving eternally. He had all of the marks of a messiah, but where's the force?

      Judas, although faithful and loved Jesus, turned him in for money. I know how that sounds. But this was a guy who had this other guy constantly with him who was someone the government wanted and willing to pay for. Talk about torn. Do you stay with this guy who seems different than the other messiahs that came before him in that he is healing people with a touch,  but has no force to free the people like promised (and expected) from a messiah? Or do you obey the law and turn him in (and it pays a little)?

      I bet Jesus understood, too. "Betray" is such a huge, massive word and I bet it didn't feel like he was betraying Him until it was too late. For the moment Judas realized what he'd done, he threw the money back and did everything, everything in his power to stop the happenings from happening. This is huge. He did what seemed to be lawfully right and risks everything to try to take back what he'd done and what others saw as right. His guilt overcame him and he hanged himself. But I'd say Jesus doesn't blame him. Not at all. I'd bet Jesus actually still loves him and forgave him before the whole thing even happened.

      That's the power of His love. That's how powerful love is. To forgive someone wholly and without debt. Without guilt. For when we feel guilt, we are kept prisoner. When someone forgives you, take the burden out of your heart for you're forgiven. And how beautiful is that?

Jesus, Teachers, and Humor

      I'm a stand-up (or standup or stand up or StandUp) comedian. I've been doing it for a couple of years. I've been doing comedy roles in theater for about 9 years. Not all that long, relatively, but I love comedy. I've seen it bring joy to the most downtrodden, sad, lonely people. I've studied how the greats have been doing it since record of comedy was a thing. I've seen numerous Charlie Chaplin films, Buster Keaton is a genius, Harold Lloyd is phenomenal. I'm amazed at the wit and simplicity of Monty Python and the edgy stuff of SNL. I'm in love with Louis C. K. pushing what people think of society, I love Brian Reagan's observations, and Tina Fey's strong and avante garde style. I love and appreciate what Carol Burnett has done for comedy on television and women in comedy. I love Eddie Izard's blatant way of sharing comedy and Sarah Silverman bringing back the coolness of being child-like (not childish) and enjoying life.

      Needless to say, I have a lot to say about comedy. A lot. When I'm in the car, I'm listening to 24/7 Comedy. When I'm procrastinating on doing work, I'm on YouTube watching Conan O'Brien bits. It's just something I like to surround myself with. My acting teachers are trying to explain to me that comedy isn't something to hide behind, but rather something to be displayed when the timing's just right. I've grown so much as a person because of comedy and, in fact, was introduced to a lot of social issues from activist comedy.

      All this being said, reading the Bible can be a little difficult without thinking Jesus is just this hugely stoic character without human emotions. I mean, the only time we feel super sadness is when Jesus is being crucified. But, for some reason, I can't help but think Jesus was one hilarious guy. Super happy, optimistic, loving guy. I bet he laughed so much during his 33 years of his loving life. You know what I mean? Allow me to explain.

      I'm going to school now. Have been for 17 years. But even if I hadn't, I'd still be surrounded by teachers. Everyday I see teachers. Teachers who are passionate. I, personally see pastors as teachers, too. My parents are teachers. I mean, if we wanna go super deep, I think every single person is a teacher. But, in the "professional" sense, I consider professors (or teachers), parents, and pastors pretty big stars in the "Teacher" category.

      Now, I don't know about you, but my teachers are constantly laughing. All. The. Time. Not laughing at us, really. More like what happens when you see a baby trying to do something for the first time and the baby's so close but then ends up doing it slightly wrong. So they go back and get frustrated, but keep trying. I mean, it's cute and funny, right? Well, anyway, my teachers are constantly doing that. And, on top of that, they remember those frustrations and how they felt. And, on top of that, you become close with your teacher and have jokes and stuff. It's what we do. It's what my parents have done. My grandparents, same thing.

      For as long as we can track, humans have been making other humans laugh. Even those teachers we see in the movies portraying the 1950s. The teachers who look like they don't care and they just go to the teacher's lounge and smoke. Well, I tend to think maybe media got it a little wrong and, in their own way, they loved and cared for their students and laugh with them and so on.

      That said, I bet Jesus laughed a lot. Like a lot a lot. Like I bet most of the time in the gospels, he was laughing. The biggest picture I can think of is in Mark 4:35-41, when a storm is raging and the disciples are freaking out and Jesus is asleep. Honestly, if I read that without regarding how scared the disciples must have been (understandably so!), I laugh at that image. I mean, a bunch of guys freaking out and one, with total trust, is just sleeping over in the corner being like "I love falling asleep to thunderstorms!" I mean, it's a common comedy thing we see now. And comedy always comes out of real life. So, imagine Jesus. I think he's less annoyed and more like "you guys crack me up." I mean, I'm sure he would have loved to continue sleeping, but teachers give up a lot for their students, so, you know.

      As I said in one of my earlier posts, I think there are tons of things the disciples and Jesus did that isn't in the Bible. Not to mention that The Bible doesn't spend too much time talking about the emotions of the people. If it does, it talks about anger and sadness. But even then, it's kind of implies, not really obviously shown. Even in Shakespeare's time (like 1,600 years after Jesus), not much time was thought about emotions in literature. It's not the point. It's supposed to reveal truths. And we interpret them how we will.

      Given the heavy subject or religion in general, it's no wonder we stamp stoic, non-emotional Jesus on the art we see. But, as for me, I can't help but think Jesus was one happy guy. An optimist to think that we could, literally, solve the world problems with total, unconditional love for all. A loving guy, to sacrifice his life for the countless people then, and the countless people He's yet to meet. There's a bright spot in every dark situation. I think Jesus was one. He laughed often, love entirely, and had total faith in humanity. And still does. How awesome.

Woo!
Mary Taylor

My all-time FAVORITE comedian of all time forever and always!