God Cried First

      This weekend, I saw Selma, the amazing film about Martin Luther King Jr.'s journey to realize the common right of the vote of African Americans in the south. This film touched on a lot of the issues of the Civil Rights movement, as a whole and, I feel, successfully portrayed the faith behind those times. In God, in each other, on both sides.

      Of course, I loved it. And the whole movie was really compelling and really drew me in the whole time. Yet there was one line in particular that continues to stick out in my mind. A line that totally summed up what I think when tragedy strikes the world and no one knows how to cope.

      A particular heart-wrenching scene in the movie takes place when a young man is shot and killed by a Selma police officer. The grandfather is in the morgue the next day, identifying his grandson. In the hallway of this bleach-white hospital, Martin Luther King Jr. goes up to the grandfather and is struck speechless. When he shakes the grandfather's hand, overcome with grief, between the two of them, he is finally able to say a phrase that was so thought-provoking, yet peacefully settling.

      "God was the first to cry."

      That moment, my heart stopped. In about 6 words, my whole thinking of God in tragedies is summed up. I couldn't believe it. Of course. Yes.

      Many times, we find ourselves in situations of tragedy and our thinking goes two ways.

      Either we turn to God. Or, sometimes, we turn away from God.

      How can He do this to me? How is this a loving God. How can He possibly think this tragedy is what is loving.

      However, in these times, I believe he does not provoke this tragedy. But, in fact, mourns with us. And, actually, as said in Selma, He is the first to mourn. He is with us. He loves us. He watches over us.

        That, I believe, is a loving, powerful God.

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away."            --  Revelation 21:4

Mary Taylor

Embarrassment

      So many things can be said in that one word. The one feeling that trumps almost any other feeling one can have.

      Embarrassment.

      We've all felt it. Rather it's the tear in the pants at just the right time, a class speech going badly, or maybe being caught for something you were sure would pass away smoothly and without a trace. Maybe it's someone who is around you who is particularly embarrassing you at a party or event. Maybe you're embarrassed by your country for whatever reason.

      Whatever the reason may be or the circumstances may arise, we've all been embarrassed.

      Embarrassment can be hard to shake off. I find myself wallowing in it for days afterward, depending on how deep the embarrassment. Generally, that deep of embarrassment is self inflicted. Avoidable, but after a long time coming, not as foreseeable.

      However universal, Embarrassment also is a timeless feeling. One that has stretch through time since man was created. From Adam and Eve being embarrassed of their naked bodies, to the Pharisees constantly being shown up by Jesus.

      At times, we can shrug that embarrassment off easily. By simply letting that person at the party who is -way- too into it do his thing. Or maybe I were over-sensitive when my person showed up late to a meeting. Embarrassment, in that regard, can be a demon which is under our control and can be tackled easily.

      However, what about deeper embarrassments. Maybe getting caught in a lie where there are no more holes to go through and it's time to just fess up. Or maybe that person was right in that long, strenuous debate we had over a thing that, now, seems tiny and lacking in meaning. Maybe yelling at that person was an overreaction.

      Then, confronting the person with an apology can go pretty far. But the waiting-for-forgiveness can be a waiting game. A game, however, that must be played.

      It's okay to feel embarrassed at times. It's a natural, timeless emotion. What is done in that time of embarrassment, though, is what holds the most weight.

"When the scribes of the Pharisees saw that He was eating with the sinners and tax collectors, they said to His disciples, "Why is He eating and drinking with tax collectors and sinners?" And hearing this, Jesus said to them, "It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick; I did not come to call the righteous, but sinners." --Mark 2:16-17

#JeSuisCharlie

      Sometimes, it sucks being isolated on campus where the only place you can get news during the day is a sketchy student newspaper and some vague reports being tweeted out. However, being someone who rarely checks her phone during the day (believe it or not), that leaves the possibilities even more slim that I get current events in their entirety until long after the day is done.

      Reminds me of when I was in the 3rd grade. On a particular Tuesday, a very beautiful, crisp, early fall day. Not a cloud in the sky. Perfect kickball weather for when recess came around. All of the adults around us (the students) during snack time (a mid-day break between the start of the day and lunch time), were crying. Staring at televisions in the teachers lounge, the teachers, custodians, the principal, the office workers, they were all staring in awe. Some comforting others, some standing alone, simply stunned. Students being called out of class all day. As the minutes passed, another "(insert student name), please come to the office," and another student gone for the rest of the day. I don't remember much of what was said to me that day. What I do remember, in fact, is the silence of the day, and the date. September 11, 2001.

      My parents tried to explain what had happened. I didn't get it. Until my parents turned on the evening news and I saw something that I couldn't believe. A plan, deliberately, crashing into a building. The devastation shook me to my core. In my innocent 3rd grade mind, I didn't know what to make of it. However, it didn't seem to be just my innocent 3rd grade mind. Even my father, someone who I attribute vast knowledge and understanding, didn't know what to do with himself.

      Since then, the news has been flooded with one word that seems to have been desensitized since the first utterance: terrorists.

      Terror.

      For those of you who do not know, Paris suffered from a terror attack earlier today (read more into it here). Much like I was in the third grade, I have no clue what to do with myself. I don't know how to help. I don't know how to take this in. All I know I can do right now is pray.

      "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."   --2 Corinthians 4:8-10

      I haven't the slightest clue how to soften these blows, how to stop these blows, how to bring peace, wholly, to the world. However, I know that the strength of God, the glory of Jesus, and the will of man will come through. The straw on the back of this camel will break soon, and all terror in this manner will cease. I pray for the all who suffered in this tragedy today. Whether one of the ones killed, the family, friends, or acquaintances of one of the ones killed, maybe someone who thought they might know someone in this deadly attack, or someone who sat watching the news today, like many of us, in horror. I pray that peace wash over Paris and the world, and that we all might grow further in love for one another and find a solution to this ongoing fear of hearing of something like this the next day. I pray Jesus spread his glory and grace upon Paris as they heal from today and revive their spirit. I pray for the leaders of the nations and that they may find a solution to this. I pray this all in Jesus' name. Amen.

      

Mary Taylor

 

The Actor

      From the time I was in kindergarten, I knew I wanted to perform. Back then, it was singing. Time passed, and I kind of forgot about it, until I auditioned for my first musical in 6th grade. After that, my eyes were set on Broadway. Musical Theater was surely it. Then, Junior year of high school, just when I am sure I have it all figured out, I see The Crucible. The movie with Daniel Day-Lewis.

      Turns out, I didn't have it all figured out. From then on, acting has been my passion. Looking back, it makes sense. I mean, I always obsessed over actors and watched and re-watched (like a million times) movies so that I can see an actor again. I have always studied the actor in films and was so intrigued and always wanted to re-create it. I guess I never thought of acting as its own thing. Until I set out for the Acting track.

      Movies to me have the huge potential to be such beautiful masterpieces. And some are able to do that. From low-budget indie films, to Hollywood commercial films, all have the capability of being life changing.

      If you know me at all, you know I am a huge movie fan. Each conversation I start with someone seems to be "Have you seen (insert movie here) yet?" I just love them! And being in a Theater Department, a lot of the professors don't like film or television because the truest form is theater, in their eyes. And yes, there are plenty of films and TV shows that are, well, useless and meaningless. But there are other movies that just take this audience on a huge adventure and, by the end, a person's life is changed for the better. Or a television series that puts things in just the right way that we can't help but follow this so intriguing story.

      It's storytelling. When I can escape from my world and be thrown in the world of another human being and want to take this journey with them, it's an intense relationship.

      I want to be a part of that storytelling. Time will tell where my path leads, but I will always make room to fulfill my passion.


Woo!
Mary Taylor

 

 

 

My current acting crush, Jack O'Connell of Unbroken

History of the World Part 1

      Earth is astounding! I mean, I just can't believe all that has happened to this planet, and continues to happen. Both in nature and from mankind.

      As a student growing up in the public school system, my favorite classroom subject was (besides anything performance-related) history. I remember the activities and course material the best, and I always looked up to my social studies teachers through middle school and high school. Not to mention my household loves history. My dad knew a lot of stuff about the yester-years, and my brother was an avid reader, which lead him to be curious about history.

      I love hearing different stories about how these countries we know of now came to be. How these countries have endured great suffering, and how these countries have celebrated great triumphs.

      And the people of those countries.

      As Lincoln says (in my favorite movie, Lincoln), "We have made it possible to do terrible things to one another."

      It's true.

      From killing any baby boy for miles that is 2 years old or younger, to destroying 6 million individuals of one race and religion. From treating someone like cattle merely because of their race, to selling someone off for our menial desires. I mean, there are groups designed to hate another sect in society. How awful is that?

      Yet, we find a way to make it so that good always ends up on top. It takes a lot of fighting (in one form or another), and it is never, ever easy, but we make sure good always wins. Sooner or later. We see our fellow man suffering, we see it for ourselves and see the humanity of it, and we help to conquer the evil. Somehow. Someway.

      We mess up a lot. But we still try to take down the evil, even if it seems so much bigger than us. Sure, it takes us a while to see the evil sometimes, and even then, we just allow it to happen because "we can't fight it," or "it's too big to deal with," or "what's the big deal?" But we endure. Like we have done for thousands and thousands of years. Like this earth has done. We are designed for that. To find the good and bring it through, full force.

      We suffer, we see suffering, we fight to end the suffering, we don't stop fighting until love and goodness reigns once again. That is the human condition.

  "Let all that you do be done in love." --1 Corinthians 16:14

Woo!

Mary Taylor

 

Let all that you do be done in love.

Let all that you do be done in love.

If I Can Take It, I Can Make It

      Two inevitable things come with this post:

1) I missed my first blog post day yesterday. But, I'm not giving up! I shall write a post every day!

2) I saw a movie last night and want to talk about it, so here it is!

   
      Today was my first day back on campus after winter break. Always bittersweet. Bitter because in no way do I want to go back to doing homework and stuff (but, I am lucky I get this education, I know, so I'll suck it up). Also bitter because I can never spend enough time with my family and friends! But sweet because I can never spend enough time with my friends here, too. And, of course, we're that much closer to Summer (score!).

      Last night, I spent the evening with two great friends of mine as my last night of freedom. One of them met me at the movie theaters where we saw a movie I had been anticipating for months, "Unbroken." Before I ever see a movie I anticipate that much, I do research on it. Whether it's just checking out some interviews, reading the IMDb trivia, or watching the featurette and/or B-Roll. So, I knew what I was going to see. Well, I thought I knew.

      Okay, before I delve into the awesomeness and inspiration of this story, the movie itself had some flaws. The beginning of the movie's flow was weird, I didn't really see these characters as wholly as I would have liked, there wasn't a structured theme or moral I felt I had to get out of the movie, really. Yet there was kind of little left to the imagination (But in a way, I liked it). And a lot of the stuff the brother said was weird and like these inspirational one-liners that didn't really fit. And my friend and I made fun of them all night.

      All of that being said, from the director and all of her glory, to Zamperini himself and this truly unbelievable story, I liked the movie. Maybe not as an awesome 20,000-star flick, but I definitely want to see it again.

      Okay, okay, okay. We get it, Mary. What does that have to do with your blog?

      Well, in case you don't know anything   about the film, let me (try) to sum it up briefly.

      Louis Zamperini starts out as this rascal of a kid, constantly running away from cops and getting into trouble. Finally his brother tells him to focus all of that energy into running and being a part of the track team. Succeeding in that, he makes it to the '36 Olympics in Germany. He didn't win the race, but at the final lap, just when he was in the rear of the pack, he sprints and makes it to 8th place (which is really impressive consider he was almost last and in the final lap decides "maybe I'll be awesome and sprint). Anywho, WWII hits. He joins the military and becomes a bombardier. In one of his missions, the plain fails and falls into the ocean. Out of 11 in the plain, three survive (Zamperini being one of them). They are in the ocean for 47 days. They finally get rescued! By the enemy, Japan. Zamperini goes through Prisoner of War camps throughout Japan (40% of all who entered Japanese camps died. Compare that to the 1% who died in Germany camps. Both tragic, but just to put the whole odds-don't-seem-to-be-in-this-guy's-favor kind of mindset). One particularly brutal corporal sets his sights on Zamperini and makes it, seemingly, his mission to make Zamperini's life a living hell. Yet he survives.

      All in all, you cannot believe all of this happened, like really happened to this guy! And the acting was just amazing and awesome and I'm obsessed with Angelina Jolie's warm soul and charitable work and passion for this story!

      Anywho, this guy really amazed me. As does Angelina, obviously. Sometimes when I see these movies, I just feel like "what do I have to complain about now? I mean, my life is pretty set in awesomeness compared to that!" And there are definitely a lot of times where putting things into perspective like that is so crucial and necessary. Like, we get fussy over the smallest things, relatively. Example: when the internet is slow. I just think: this is literally the cruelest form of torture. Of course, it's all, really, in jest. But there are times we complain when, really, there isn't a whole lot to complain about (#FirstWorldProblems).

      The author of Unbroken (the book the movie is based on), while writing the book, had chronic vertigo and nausea when she moved around too much. So, she would have phone conversations with Louis Zamperini, instead of live sessions. She wrote an article in the New York Times about her illness that she had been living with for 30 years. Zamperini then gave her his Purple Heart he had earned for his time and triumph through the war. In a note with the Heart, he wrote "You deserve this more than I do." When trying to give it back, he insisted she keep it.

      This man who, in my eyes, had suffered more torture than I can even begin to try to imagine. He saw her as such a brave soul for suffering through the torture for 30 years. Amazing (and just makes me love the guy more!). In her eyes, she couldn't complain much about a certain torture because he had survived this great thing. Yet he felt she deserved his Purple Heart because she has been suffering a great torture (and persevered) for 30 years.

      In an interview, Elie Weisel, author of Night, his memoir about surviving the Nazi Concentration Camps, said that no one can compare experiences and say "what right do you have to complain?" For in that time, that might be something quite huge in their life that is very important to them. No one persons' experience out-shines another's.

      So, what am I supposed to take from this?

      Well, there are still a lot of menial things we complain about. That perspective is a great thing and we should be hugely thankful for where we are right now.

      Yet, judging sometimes life can be tough for us. Sometimes life seems really bleak, and we can't find the light anywhere. In those times, I turn to God. Well, I mean, I turn to God for the good, too, and thank Him for the light. But I also pray harder than ever in those times of total darkness. And the darkness does come to me at times.

      Yes, I live in a developed nation, and I am hugely grateful that I am a woman who gets to study what I love in a university I adore, but dark times comes, nonetheless. Nothing to be ashamed of. And sometimes, it even means asking for help. In any way.

      Darkness comes to all of us at times. And sometimes we make up darkness that isn't there. And sometimes our friends are in a dark place. What is important is what we decide to do in those times.

"More than that, we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God's love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us." --Romans 5: 3-5

"And let us not grow weary of doing good, for in due season we will reap, if we do not give up." --Galatians 6:9

(go see the movie)

Woo!

Mary Taylor  

 

     

     

Good Vibrations!

      I love feeling awesome. There are some times when I am living my life and can't find a single thing wrong with my it. Sometimes I just feel on top of the world! There are other times when I feel like I'm drowning in all of my first-world problems and I can't see the light. Obviously, I want to feel the former a lot more than I want to feel the latter. So, what can I do to feel as much On-Top-of-the-World-ful as possible at any given time?

      It's funny because as I'm writing this, there is an unruly child my mom is babysitting right now who is being, well, unruly. And obviously it is making my mom and I angry which is then making him even more unruly and it's just this vicious cycle.

      So, even in those events, or times of stress, sadness, uncertainty, etc. what can I do to make me feel on top of the world? Well, as much as possible.

      The more I write this, the more it's becoming a segment on TV that is the stereotypical motivational speaker. Can we get some Matt Foley up in here?

      Anywho!

      I was having an office hour with a professor who is just so awesome. She's so connected with the earth and so awesome! Well, we were discussing how to be our best selves. She, in all of her brilliance, said this thing that I feel like I should have known, but put in words was so profound and awesome, but simple. "If we want to be our best selves, we need to do things that enrich our soul and make us feel good. This includes the people we spend time with, the movies we watch, the things we eat and drink. Only eating and drinking the things that we feel good, even after having eaten it."

      Pretty cool, right?

      How many times do we hang around a friend who sucks the life out of us? Or we eat the gross buffet food, and just when the button on the unfriendly blouse is about to pop, we go up for another, knowing we are going to hate ourselves after we finish the plate, which we are going to do because "there are starving people in China who would LOVE to have that food." Or we watch a movie that makes us look at life differently, and not in a good, artsy way-- at all.

      We torture ourselves all the time!
  
      I mean, granted, sometimes it's an indulgence, and we all deserve an indulgence every now and then (my favorite is cheesecake!). But other times it can be the people we surround ourselves with, the Facebook posts we cannot pass up without throwing in our two cents, or the unruly child being unruly and letting it get to us (oh, just me?).

      But what would happen if, instead of living through it as "comes with the territory, you'll get used to it" kind of attitude (or, if you're like me, complaining about it with your parents), I change it. What if I take charge and decide that maybe this person is not good for me to be around. Or what if this Facebook post -isn't- worth throwing the computer on the floor with anger and then going back to it whispering sweet nothings to it in hopes that it works again (and the sweet nothings must have done something right, because it turned on again. Woo). Maybe this child's temporary unruliness isn't worth getting flustered over. So, maybe I scroll past the post (or, if it's someone who --constantly-- posts things like it, delete the virtual friend). Maybe I try a different approach and talk gently to the child.

      Over the summer, I had lunch with a good friend of mine. Another brilliant human being who is kind, loving, talented, amazing-in-every-way kind of person. Anywho, we got on the subject of friendships. I, being the person who cares (too much) about reputation and how others see me and liking everyone, was dumbfounded when she said a very simple phrase.

Supercalifradgilisticexpialidosious.

Kidding! I don't even think I spelled it right.

      She said "you don't have to be friends with everyone."

      Wait! I don't? I mean, it seems really simple, but not being friends with everyone is a thing that people do? I mean, I knew that they did it, but I thought not being friends with someone meant being awful to that person every time they walk by.

      Of course, I watch reality TV, so of course I thought that.

      She went on to say that one must still be loving and kind to that person, but there is no rule that you have to be friends forever.

      Unless you gave them the other half to your Best Friends necklace. Then you're in it for life. Duh.

(kidding)

      There is a friend of mine, we've been friends for years! The friendship runs deep, I mean. But, as I have changed and grown, and my friend has changed and grown, we've grown apart in many ways. So, I have started distancing myself from my friend. Not because this person is a bad person or because I hate this person, but because I no longer feel enriched and fulfilled by being around this person. Not a good or bad thing, just a thing that has grown between us. I still care about my friend's well-being and send as much love and kindness as possible. However, our interactions grow shorter and shorter as time continues.

      I guess what my friend (man, I am talking about a lot of my friend here) said about being friends with everyone was kind of hitting it right on the head for me. Since she said that, I have been really looking at my life and have noticed quite a few people who no longer leave me fulfilled.

      God speaks to us all the time. In so many different ways. Sometimes, the talks are easy to catch. Other times, you gotta search. I knew my friend was on to something with that "no need to be friends with everyone" stuff, and my professor with "what leaves you fulfilled and enriched" stuff! But I hadn't anticipated the impact they made.

      A lot of times, I see themes in a certain amount of time. I look at it as what God is speaking to me about, generally, in that specific time frame (a year, semester, week, whatever). It seems like the last couple months of 2014 and some of this 2015 is going to be about finding that (or who) which enriches my soul and leaves my fulfilled.

      Let's continue on in love, understanding, and kindness.

"For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church." 

--Ephesians 5:29

Commitment in 2015!

      As 2014 ended, I couldn't help but do the same thing we were all probably doing: looking back at 2014. I get a little weirded out, being a student, because I look at a year as a fall semester and a spring semester. But looking back at the whole year of 2014, I cannot believe how full it was! I was in my first main stage show at school, then my second, which just happened to be my favorite play of all time. I was in a show at my hometown community theater and realized I am doing this theater for me, and how freeing it was to have that realization. I said "goodbye" to mentors. I started this blog! I started a series on Instagram tracking my #healthyliving. I spoke of my story in church for the first time, and loved it! I grew in myself. I grew to know more. I grew closer to God.

      However, noticing the past few months, I had realized I gave a lot of excuses. "I can't workout now, I'm too busy," "No, I can't write a blog post now, it's too late," "I can't study now, I have to.... do the dishes." I make excuses for myself too much and give up on commitments too often.

      So, instead of kicking rocks and being bummed about it, what if in 2015, I commit? I commit wholly to what I do. Everything I do. What if I literally write a blog post every-single-day? Along with that, I workout regularly, keep track of what I eat on MyFitnessPal app. AND! I read the Bible, studying it, everyday. It seems like a hefty list. But, I know with your help, God's will, and my love of telling people "told you so," I can do it!!

      May this 2015 be prosperous to all in so many ways. May we grow closer in love and may we love wholly.

Woo!
Mary Taylor