I'm actually not a stressed human. I'm not. My professors may agree and then cringe because I'm almost too not stressed. About homework, about deadlines, about much of anything. But for some reason, I always stress about the future. I always feel like I need to know the answers to all of those "what are you going to do?" "how are you going to pay?" "where are you going to go?" questions asked of me, especially a year away from graduating. And, actually, it's not even the stress of answering the older ladies in the back of the church. It's that I want to know the answers. Like desperately. Sure, I have goals (some might say too many goals), but there are so many factors and so many reasons why I actually literally cannot answer those questions.
First of all, that age-old thing about "you never know what's going to happen." It's so true. In my life, I have set goals and, actually, I have a pretty good track record of, sooner or later, making them happen. But it's what's in between that sooner and that later that takes up a lot of space. I made the goal to go to college for acting, but I didn't think it would take 5 years. I made the goal to lose weight, but I didn't count for the countless times I would fall of the horse. I made the goal of getting a job and earning my own money, but I never thought I'd get a janitor job as a first job. Nor did I think it would be so hard to find a summer job the next summer.
Staying in that vein of not knowing, my wants and needs change constantly at this point in my life. My priorities now are way different than they were even a year ago. Now, I'm about changing my body to promote the healthiest, best me I can be. Next year, maybe I'll be all about figuring out where I live after school or how I manage or finding a job. Who knows how this year is going to treat my outlook on life.
I want to know what my life looks like in 10 years. Like so badly. Am I a well-off actor living in the hills of California? Am I a starving artist in New York living with 6 different roommates, barely scraping by for rent money? Maybe I'm a work-from-home mom in the suburbs or some place in the Midwest. I have no clue.
And, though I know God knows where I will be eventually, I don't know that He knows when I will be there either. I mean, human error and free will plays a part in this. He may drop something on my lap, a path He wants me to take, and I don't get that hint until 5 years later when it's too late and I have to take this huge long detour to get back to that.
God walks with us, always knowing where He sees me going for my future, but never quite knowing where I'm going to step next. But the great thing about that is, He lets us make those missteps and learn from them. No matter what, we end up happy. Somehow. Through whichever path we make for ourselves. There is so much joy in not knowing how we grow and continue through our path. So much joy. A little stress for those who want/need to know what's going to happen next, but so much joy in taking that journey with an open mind and heart. Take the journey with pride, love, and excitement.
Woo!
Mary Taylor
First of all, that age-old thing about "you never know what's going to happen." It's so true. In my life, I have set goals and, actually, I have a pretty good track record of, sooner or later, making them happen. But it's what's in between that sooner and that later that takes up a lot of space. I made the goal to go to college for acting, but I didn't think it would take 5 years. I made the goal to lose weight, but I didn't count for the countless times I would fall of the horse. I made the goal of getting a job and earning my own money, but I never thought I'd get a janitor job as a first job. Nor did I think it would be so hard to find a summer job the next summer.
Staying in that vein of not knowing, my wants and needs change constantly at this point in my life. My priorities now are way different than they were even a year ago. Now, I'm about changing my body to promote the healthiest, best me I can be. Next year, maybe I'll be all about figuring out where I live after school or how I manage or finding a job. Who knows how this year is going to treat my outlook on life.
I want to know what my life looks like in 10 years. Like so badly. Am I a well-off actor living in the hills of California? Am I a starving artist in New York living with 6 different roommates, barely scraping by for rent money? Maybe I'm a work-from-home mom in the suburbs or some place in the Midwest. I have no clue.
And, though I know God knows where I will be eventually, I don't know that He knows when I will be there either. I mean, human error and free will plays a part in this. He may drop something on my lap, a path He wants me to take, and I don't get that hint until 5 years later when it's too late and I have to take this huge long detour to get back to that.
God walks with us, always knowing where He sees me going for my future, but never quite knowing where I'm going to step next. But the great thing about that is, He lets us make those missteps and learn from them. No matter what, we end up happy. Somehow. Through whichever path we make for ourselves. There is so much joy in not knowing how we grow and continue through our path. So much joy. A little stress for those who want/need to know what's going to happen next, but so much joy in taking that journey with an open mind and heart. Take the journey with pride, love, and excitement.
Woo!
Mary Taylor
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