Success is weirdly close to defeat. Sure, there seems to be a clear difference between the two, right? I mean, you feel awesome when you succeed and you feel rotten when you're defeated. Right? That's how the world works. Black and white. Bam.
The other day, I was in combat class. In this class, we always have this physical warmup and it never fails to kick my butt. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I drag my feet to class knowing my I will soon hate (but still love) my professor for making me go through my paces. And then again. And again. This Thursday was no exception, however he brought to the work two things I hate. The wheelbarrow (where someone is grabbing your legs and you walk with your hands), and handstands. First, I hadn't done the wheelbarrow since I was in, like, fourth grade. I am not the agile youngling I was when I was in fourth grade. I was struggling. Mind you, all during that class, a very athletic and awesome friend kept saying to me "remember, Mary. 'Can't be stopped!'" Which became our motto. Anywho, those were a huge struggle. My core was working so hard and my trust in my arms' strength was not as up to par as it needed to be. So, I didn't finish. But I did it. Then, out of embarrassment but yet determination (knowing what I need to work on to kill it next time), I wanted to cry so badly. My "Can't be stopped" friend came over and hugged me. I breathed in deeply. Nothing could be as terrifying and awful as that.
Then, we did handstands across the floor. For those who aren't as comfortable with it, there was a station set up on the side where the professor and TAs (teaching assistants) would help those who needed help. My thoughts: "I could just not go over there. He wouldn't exactly know." But, I thought "okay, you know what, I'll go over there, do what I can, and be done." Knowing that in the past, the best I could do was to get my hands to the floor and sort of, kind of, not really push my leg off and then maybe the other leg. So, I went over there. Making sure I was the absolute last to go because I was so scared.
"It's all in your head, May Tay. You got this!" Said my friend.
Constantly pushing me to do my very best. I know. But maybe I just didn't want to or maybe we'll just call it a day here, or
Never mind it's my turn.
Stalling as much as I could, my teacher doing the handstand over and over and over. Showing me different ways to get into it. I got into the stance I was most comfortable starting in and pushed off a little. All I trusted my arms to be comfortable with. I thought that would be it. That's the end of it. I'm done. We can move on to other stuff. Right?
Wrong. My professor insisted I take the stance and they (him and the TAs) grab my legs and put me in the correct handstand stance. Okay.... I mean how horrible could it be, right?
They began. Needing a little more effort than they would on any other student because of my body right now, a couple more students jumped in to help. I was halfway there and thought "oh. This is it? Psh. I got this." Then all the way. I was screaming. I couldn't comprehend anything except for how weird and absolutely scary this was. They finally let me down. My professor breathing heavily because of all the tension in my body, he assured me that, with some work and concentration, I can get there. I was shaking -literally shaking- with fear and... weirdness...
Then applause. Cheering. My "can't be stopped" friend hugged me so tightly. I sobbed. Out of embarrassment and determination and fear and... I think... excitement.
"I knew you could do it, May Tay."
I've always adored this friend, but since that day, we see each other differently now. As though we share this secret of success and awesomeness. Him seeing me as a proud father sees his daughter, me as a student who owes so much to a simple phrase, "can't be stopped."
But yet.
The rest of that day, I felt as though I was defeated. I mean, they needed more people to help lift me. I was embarrassed that the attention was on me, and not in a wanted way. I felt as though I'd lost.
However, the next day, I saw completely differently. I knew I could do it. I knew what I needed to work on. Suddenly, I felt as thought that day I succeeded.
A big general question on a lot of college apps and job apps is "what is your definition of 'success'?" And so many people do that thing where "it means I'm happy." But we forget about those little successes. We have them all the time. And for a long long time, they don't look like successes. They can look a lot like defeats.
And there are also times when we are defeated. And God mourns those times as we do, but He also turns those defeats into successes. We may be blind to it, or can't hear Him working, but He always does.
Breakups suck. But after a few, you may find the perfect one. And it turns into a wonderful, flourishing relationship. Success.
Not getting the job sucks. But then, after a few tries, you get the best job with the best people. Success.
Changing a lifestyle can really suck. If you're dieting and exercising, you may fall off the wagon so many times, you've lost count. But you end up getting back on and, after a while, you begin to feel so great! Success.
We all perceive success differently. Sometimes we even mistake it for defeat. But in those times, God will always make a successful person out of you.
The other day, I was in combat class. In this class, we always have this physical warmup and it never fails to kick my butt. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I drag my feet to class knowing my I will soon hate (but still love) my professor for making me go through my paces. And then again. And again. This Thursday was no exception, however he brought to the work two things I hate. The wheelbarrow (where someone is grabbing your legs and you walk with your hands), and handstands. First, I hadn't done the wheelbarrow since I was in, like, fourth grade. I am not the agile youngling I was when I was in fourth grade. I was struggling. Mind you, all during that class, a very athletic and awesome friend kept saying to me "remember, Mary. 'Can't be stopped!'" Which became our motto. Anywho, those were a huge struggle. My core was working so hard and my trust in my arms' strength was not as up to par as it needed to be. So, I didn't finish. But I did it. Then, out of embarrassment but yet determination (knowing what I need to work on to kill it next time), I wanted to cry so badly. My "Can't be stopped" friend came over and hugged me. I breathed in deeply. Nothing could be as terrifying and awful as that.
Then, we did handstands across the floor. For those who aren't as comfortable with it, there was a station set up on the side where the professor and TAs (teaching assistants) would help those who needed help. My thoughts: "I could just not go over there. He wouldn't exactly know." But, I thought "okay, you know what, I'll go over there, do what I can, and be done." Knowing that in the past, the best I could do was to get my hands to the floor and sort of, kind of, not really push my leg off and then maybe the other leg. So, I went over there. Making sure I was the absolute last to go because I was so scared.
"It's all in your head, May Tay. You got this!" Said my friend.
Constantly pushing me to do my very best. I know. But maybe I just didn't want to or maybe we'll just call it a day here, or
Never mind it's my turn.
Stalling as much as I could, my teacher doing the handstand over and over and over. Showing me different ways to get into it. I got into the stance I was most comfortable starting in and pushed off a little. All I trusted my arms to be comfortable with. I thought that would be it. That's the end of it. I'm done. We can move on to other stuff. Right?
Wrong. My professor insisted I take the stance and they (him and the TAs) grab my legs and put me in the correct handstand stance. Okay.... I mean how horrible could it be, right?
They began. Needing a little more effort than they would on any other student because of my body right now, a couple more students jumped in to help. I was halfway there and thought "oh. This is it? Psh. I got this." Then all the way. I was screaming. I couldn't comprehend anything except for how weird and absolutely scary this was. They finally let me down. My professor breathing heavily because of all the tension in my body, he assured me that, with some work and concentration, I can get there. I was shaking -literally shaking- with fear and... weirdness...
Then applause. Cheering. My "can't be stopped" friend hugged me so tightly. I sobbed. Out of embarrassment and determination and fear and... I think... excitement.
"I knew you could do it, May Tay."
I've always adored this friend, but since that day, we see each other differently now. As though we share this secret of success and awesomeness. Him seeing me as a proud father sees his daughter, me as a student who owes so much to a simple phrase, "can't be stopped."
But yet.
The rest of that day, I felt as though I was defeated. I mean, they needed more people to help lift me. I was embarrassed that the attention was on me, and not in a wanted way. I felt as though I'd lost.
However, the next day, I saw completely differently. I knew I could do it. I knew what I needed to work on. Suddenly, I felt as thought that day I succeeded.
A big general question on a lot of college apps and job apps is "what is your definition of 'success'?" And so many people do that thing where "it means I'm happy." But we forget about those little successes. We have them all the time. And for a long long time, they don't look like successes. They can look a lot like defeats.
And there are also times when we are defeated. And God mourns those times as we do, but He also turns those defeats into successes. We may be blind to it, or can't hear Him working, but He always does.
Breakups suck. But after a few, you may find the perfect one. And it turns into a wonderful, flourishing relationship. Success.
Not getting the job sucks. But then, after a few tries, you get the best job with the best people. Success.
Changing a lifestyle can really suck. If you're dieting and exercising, you may fall off the wagon so many times, you've lost count. But you end up getting back on and, after a while, you begin to feel so great! Success.
We all perceive success differently. Sometimes we even mistake it for defeat. But in those times, God will always make a successful person out of you.
"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." --Philippians 4:13
Woo!
Mary Taylor
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