Bond.

      God's got my back. I've known that all of my life. God's got my back and is the glory and the light and the best relationship I'll ever have. God's journey is awesome and following His plan is the best thing for me to do. But, sometimes His plan is hard to understand and sometimes I'm like "Psh, no, I think it's this way. Trust me, I've lived here all my life." Which works out exactly zero times. However, I eventually, from one happenstance to another, find my way back.

      I go through these times in which I question God and Jesus. And I'm actually a fan of questioning your surroundings. But for me, questioning only ends in a stronger belief in Him. And Him believing in me stronger. Through every bout I have with Him, whether it's me not listening or moving away from His path, our relationship grows. Just like every other relationship.

      This evening, my family watched Alexandre's Terrible, No Good, Very Bad Day (the movie was okay. Good Family Flick, but if you're wanting to watch something that has a compelling story and stuff, stay away from this fluff for the night. Plus side, my husband, Dick Van Dyke was in it, so yeah). At the end of an AWFUL day had by the whole family, they ended up having a great evening having grown closer in the universally horrid day they had. In the end, Alexandre wished everyday could have been like that one, because it ended with a great family having a great time, despite their bad day.

      Another comparison:

      I ate pretty horribly this week. After a month of going relatively strong on the Health Living thing, I ate not awesomely all week. This happens a lot, actually. But, when I get back on the horse, I am more aware of what makes my body want to go into those crazy times of weird eating habits and know to avoid that food. And workout. No matter what. And drink water. So much water. Water is so scrumptious. ...I'm going to grab a glass of water.

      Anywho! So yeah!

      (rule of 3s) Last comparison:

      I love the NBC TV show Parenthood! It is so awesome and perfectly highlights EVERYTHING in a family. Like Amber and Sarah's relationship. AKA: teenager daughter arguing with her mother constantly kind of relationship. They fight a lot (because they're so alike). Yet, they have such a strong bond! Because they survive those fights to see each other deeper and love each other deeper. My mom and I: same thing. We're the exact same in so many ways, so we fight often. But she is my bestest friend! I tell her -literally- everything. Even things she hates hearing. I know I can go to her for absolutely anything and she can come to me. And we tell each other the brutal truth. Which we hate for a hot second, then we're back to joking around and stuff.

      Anyway, there are times when I'm wondering if I'm doing something right in God's eyes. And sometimes, even scarier than that: I don't wonder. But no matter what, I know He's there to guide me. I come back, knock on his door at 3 AM in the pouring rain with my head lowered and say "you were right. I'm sorry." And He invites me in, makes me some hot chocolate (like from scratch, none of that weird powder stuff) with extra marshmellows and lets me talk through it with Him. And, at the end of the night, when He offers his couch for me to crash on and I take Him up on the offer, our bond is stronger and We know we made it through and can add this to the list of things our relationship can withstand!

      I gotta say, unconditional love is pretty stellar.

Woo!

Mary Taylor

Why There Actually is No Real Antagonist in Jesus Christ Superstar

      Okay, so maybe the high priests are the antagonists, but anywho.

      The big controversy with Jesus Christ Superstar is that Jesus is seen as the antagonist while Judas is the protagonist. And, sure, that may have been the writer's intent (though I really don't think so), but for some reason, I see Jesus Christ Superstar (like the 2012 Broadway Revival, not the movie form the '70s), and I constantly side with Jesus AND Judas in various points in the musical. I mean, sure, we Christians are never supposed to side with Judas and Jesus is always right, but JCSS really brings out some imperfections of the savior that show the thing we tend to forget: Jesus was human. So, maybe JCSS's intent was not to antagonize Jesus, but bring a human element to The Bible we rarely see.

      Okay, so, hear me out.

      From the beginning, we get that Judas is definitely the protagonist. I mean, the way the musical goes, Judas began this thing with Jesus. They were in it together. Kind of like an indie band, let's parallel with that. So, Jesus is like "wanna form a band? We'll never sell out and be weird rich people. We'll stay true to ourselves!" (Again, this is just kind of how it was laid out in the musical) So, Judas is on board! He goes around with Jesus and Jesus helps the people and it's awesome. But then Jesus starts getting all weird and like "my name is Jesus, come check me out." Just so we're clear, this is how I saw the musical. I just feel like I have to say that after every sentence. Anywho! Judas is weirded out by it. Judas is like "shouldn't we be helping the poor and stuff!?" And Jesus says "we can't make the poor rich!" (meaning we need to make the rich humble and stuff, but that's not really highlighted in the musical, but it can be). And Judas gets all mad and is so confused because Jesus and he started this thing together and then Jesus, like sold out. He's got the disciples worshiping Him too, and Judas is just not about it. He sees it as not what they wanted.

      So, that's Judas.

      Then we got the superstar Himself.

      Throughout the musical, Jesus is seen putting on a strong face for the crowds, but then sort of breaking at some points under the pressure and constant persisting people. The way Jesus sees it, He's going around saving people by The Word, but people are constantly thinking about the material things and wanting physically healed in one way or another. There is this piece in the musical in which there are people from all over, coming out of the woodwork, asking to be healed. Once He touches one to heal him or her, five more come forward. Totally crowding Him, begging to be healed. He goes around as much as possible, trying to heal all He can. The music speeds up, the voices get louder, more people crowd Him until He is flooded with people all around Him. Finally, He breaks. "Heal yourselves!" Of course, for those who aren't super familiar with The Bible, it seems kind of rude. Even people who ARE familiar with The Bible think it's rude. But I saw it as "you guys are missing the point! Just love and glorify God!" Which He says ALL THE TIME in The Bible. Plus this song that is Him praying in the garden before they arrest Him, and it just sums up everything He's been thinking. And the whole song is this MAN asking why he was the one that had to do it? Why did He ask him? And it's just beautiful, but I digress.

      So, the thing between Judas and Jesus seems like a big miscommunication and misunderstanding than protagonist/antagonist relationship.

      Okay, so yes, it's just a musical. But it's like the only one out of Andrew Lloyd Webber's canon that I actually like. And this subject matter is so close to my heart. And the relationship seems so clear to me. Judas was scared and confused and frustrated was not evil. Jesus was scared and confused and frustrated and not evil. And, yeah, maybe this whole piece isn't chalk-full of theology, but I'm saying a production could be!

      And don't even get me started on that Mary Magdalene love triangle.

Okay, so Jesus is a little angsty in this one for my taste, but I love the Judas in this one!

Go With Him Two

      I'm a wimp. I'll admit it. Generally, I'm pretty passive when in a group project or whatever. There are times when people bring out the leader-side of Mary Taylor, but normally, I'm a people pleaser who doesn't like a lot of confrontation. Wouldn't it just be easier and simpler to just let the natural leaders lead and to not get in their way? I mean, if I disagree with something, I'll speak up, but really, I just let it be. Plus, if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all, right? Christians are passive people, right? Peaceful and passive are the same, right?

      There's a pretty awesome passage in The Bible. It's said a lot, but not really thought about.

 Concerning Retaliation
      "'You have heard that it was said, "An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth." But I say to you, Do not resist an evildoer. But if anyone strikes you on the right cheek, turn the other also; and if anyone wants you to take your coat, give your cloak as well; and if anyone forces you to go one mile, go also the second mile. Give to anyone who begs from you, and do not refuse anyone who wants to borrow from you.'" Matthew 5:38-42

      He's saying be passive. It says so right there! Duh, Mary.

      Obviously, He is asking us not to fight back. Physically, at least. But, would a passive person offer the other cheek if he or she is hit? When someone asks the passive to walk with them a mile, do they offer to walk two miles?

      This passage comes up a lot in Sunday school and stuff. The main idea people get is that if they are being beaten up, don't fight back. But I actually think it's so much deeper than that. It Jesus isn't only speaking to the people who fight easily. I propose Jesus is even talking to me, the passive one. The one in which, if fought against, generally take it and say "sorry, you're right," just to avoid conflict. In fact, Jesus is not saying "take it!" He is saying "go beyond it." Go past the point of getting even. Don't get even, surprise them. Kill them with kindness.

      Jesus is so far from passive about, you know, anything. Passive people don't normally flip tables in the capitol temple. Jesus has no problem telling people when He's got a problem.

      Instead of just taking it or beating back, how will you handle conflict? Will you be the passive one that just lets it happen? Or will you be the one who fights back harder until they crumble? Or will you give an offering? Turn the other cheek, yeah. But offer the other one. That's the step we tend to miss.

      Sure, there are conflicts that really mess with this balance. So, maybe the offer looks different in a different situation. Offering forgiveness speaks louder than seeking revenge.

Woo!
Mary Taylor

     

The Rules Are Simple! (said no one who's ever actually played)

      Before I start, I feel like, if I were a part of a company or something, I would have to write this disclaimer. So, I'll practice it.     I have no actual religious training (if that is a thing). I have not done extra research (well, not much) on The Bible. This and all posts on here are opinion posts. Enlighten me if I'm ever wrong (or if you just want to share your opinion, too) by commenting below on the post.

     



      The Rule Book. The List of Rules. The Commands. Right and Wrong. "Yeah, well The Bible says..." "Yeah, but that's not in The Bible!"

      We can defend almost anything with The Bible. We can defend slavery, discrimination, a ban on football, organized crime, pretty much anything. I mean, it's all in there somewhere, so it must be what God wants.

      I was sitting at a table with some friends, eating lunch. They were having a discussion about what they had talked about in a class earlier that day. Somehow, we (well, they, but I couldn't keep my mouth shut, so I chimed in too) got on the subject of The Bible. The rights and wrongs highlighted in The Bible. Generally, in the theater department especially (I'm sure all other majors too, but I really spend most of my time around theater majors, so, yeah), when the Bible is brought up, we discuss what other weird things the Bible says besides not sleeping with a man as he does a woman. You know, everyone's favorite verse. So, someone had said "well, The Bible bans cursing!" In which case someone else said "common misconception, but it actually doesn't. It just says to not use the Lord's name in vain." My history senses tell me that cursing got some taboo later on and is kind of a recent-ish kind of thing and that language changes things, etc. Nonetheless, the conversation dulled down.

      It's interesting how we validate certain things through The Bible and Jesus. As if the whole of The Bible is to be taken just like it was taken when it was written. This whole taking-The-Bible-literally is a pretty recent phenomenon anyway, but it seems that people have been validating their actions through The Bible even since Jesus was walking through the streets. I mean, before Jesus came, men were trying and trying to show that they were the Prophet by raging war, as the prophecy proclaimed would happen. But then Jesus came and this guy was all peaceful and stuff. Yet He was the prophet. And from our translation of The Old Testament, He was not the guy that was supposed to be the Prophet.

      So, we are taught to be like Jesus. "What Would Jesus Do?" We also have learned that the people who are "good" people are the ones who follow the rules (both in The Bible and in life).

      You know what Jesus didn't do very well, though? Follow the rules. He healed on Sunday (ON SUNDAY! No one does anything on Sunday! Bible says!). He ate without washing his hands (okay, ew a little bit, but also, guess what was traditional with the people then because of the Bible. Yeah, washing hands). He hung out with the outcasts and touched the unclean people. All things The Bible says are wrong to do.

      Now, I'm not saying you should go out and break all rules ever because that's what Jesus did. I'm saying that maybe these rules that are laid out in The Bible aren't rules. Maybe we're seeing it wrong. Or maybe they were rules we were too hung up on. What Jesus really teaches us is what is important. When choosing between being on time to class/work or helping someone jump their car, which would you choose?

      I mean, sure, the answer seems so simple "Duh, I'd help out." But it's not that simple. That's the really hard part about trying to live like Jesus. We don't always have the time or the money or the knowledge or the tools or the luxury to help out.

      So, is living like Jesus really playing by the rules, no matter what? Is that how to glorify God? Or is God calling us to do more? To see when it is important to follow the rules, and when it is important to bend the rules?

      All I know is that this whole living to glorify God thing seems only to get more and more difficult the more I delve deeper. There are more things to be aware of. More stuff to do. But if we couldn't do it, why would Jesus have come?

"All Scripture is breathed out by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, and for training in righteousness, that the man of God may be competent, equipped for every good work."  --2 Timothy 3:16-17

Woo!

Mary Taylor

      

Wanna Hear God Laugh?

      The big joke in Christianity that is told -all-the-time- is that infamous "if you want to hear God laugh, tell Him your plan." In an attempt to get across that idea of God being the one who really brings you to where you are and will be. Sure, you want to be a the CEO of a company in three years, but by then, priorities may change. You may feel the urge or push go somewhere or do something totally outside of what you normally would do. George Bailey thought he would travel the world and be a famous architect. However, a series of events prevented him from doing all of that. And sooner or later, he understood that his life is actually wonderful.

      I back up that joke a lot. I think it is totally accurate. However, does that really mean your goals won't be reached? Does that mean you live your life only kind of fulfilled because that thing you really want to do is not happening?

      Since last year, I've been really thinking about going to Divinity School after I graduate. This has messed up anything I thought I knew about what I wanted to do after school and what my future career looks like. Not only that, My outlook on life has changed. When I was in middle school/high school, I knew I wanted to go straight to New York and make it big on Broadway and have 50,000 Tonys. However, as time went on, I love home. I love my family hugely. I love the idea of having a family. I love good, friendly people. And I prefer not to live in a place that smells like urine. But that's just me.

      Actually, I don't stress out that much. But when I do, it's when I'm thinking about my future. And my inability to save money. And where I'm going to live. And do I want to be a pastor or be an actor? Or is there a world where I can do both? Can I be happy with one or the other? I spend very little time stressing on the now.

       Until it hit me!

      The Lord has a plan for me. But no matter where I end up, He would be sure that I was as happy as I could possibly be. Whether it's through trial and error or through a direct route. God would never let me be unhappy and feel unfulfilled.

      Performing has been a huge part of my life for as long as I can remember (4th grade, actually). I've tried to go down other paths of careers, but they all have ended up back to performing. So, in this point in my life, I can't imagine a world without me acting/singing/comedian-ing. So, maybe God isn't asking me to imagine a world without it. Maybe He is asking for an addition. Or maybe He's asking for a simple exploration.

      Whatever He is asking for, I will, through trial and error, or through a direct route, make it known. I will see it as clear as day when the day comes. And I'll just assume by then I'll be better at saving money and being an actual functioning member of society.

      So, wanna hear God laugh? Tell Him your plan. But just because He's laughing, does not mean He totally disagrees. Hear Him out. Go through the journey. Promise it won't be boring.

"The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps." -- Proverbs 16:9

Woo!
Mary Taylor

The Influence of People

      As humans, we are awesome at letting other things affect us. I think that's what makes us so awesome, actually! We can be the toughest of the tough, but we always let things affect us. Whether their small, like the coffee being too strong. Or big, like a new found love. No matter what it is, we are affected. Which means we affect others. No matter what we say or do. It's probably affected someone in some capacity, one way or another. So, why do we let things affect us? And how do we know how we're affecting others?

      In one of my classes, my professor is all about keeping your own energy, accepting others', while still being grounded in your own. So, like, just because someone is sad, does not mean you have to be sad the rest of your day. And to some extent, I totally agree with her. We let other peoples' moods affect ours and, in some cases, can ruin out day. Or make it better. Instead of living in your own mood and accepting others, as opposed to embodying the other person's. However, when someone's energy is awesome and it lifts you up, I think that's awesome and should be celebrated.

      Today, after my morning class, I went to WalMart to get some class essentials. And, in general, when a morning trip to the store happens, I feel awesomely accomplished! Like yes, let's do this day right! It always brings my mood up and I am always pumped for the rest of the day, even if I don't get anything. Just getting off campus and seeing strangers living their lives and navigating morning trips to the store, it's awesome to me! And this morning was no different. I got on the MITS bus, ready to tackle this WalMart trip! Then some tweenagers in the back of the bus (where I was sitting) kept going on and on about skipping school and running away and snitching on friends and stuff. Which put me in this weird state of mind about if I ever have kids and stuff. Then, I arrived at WalMart. I got a Subway sandwich (like you do) and went about my Mary way to get my class essentials (plus some craft stuff that was on sale. Holla). I checked out, everything was great. So, it was time to wait for the MITS bus again. And some Muncie locals were also waiting. Muncie locals get a bad name around campus because BSU students get freaked out by Muncie culture. However, I tend to understand the the Wabash boys probably think the same about my hometown, so I tend not to take part in that conversation too much. But this morning, there were a few Muncie locals that carried weird energies. A couple arguing, a man with orange pants (which were actually kind of cool) and just a sweatshirt on, a man trying way too hard to keep a conversation going with me. They all affected how I felt about my morning WalMart trip. My productivity feeling turned to "what have I gotten myself into?" feeling.

      Of course, the day did end up being good, but why did I let those menial things affect me? I mean, I'm all for getting all those bad emotions out, even if it's in public. So why would an arguing couple upset me? And I generally love conversation, so why was this guy bothering me? And orange pants. I mean those are cool!

      Sometimes, you can't help but get affected by your surroundings. But there are also times when self-reflection and inner-peace can be so useful. This morning is a good example of how I could have used some inner-peace.

      All that said, though we live our own lives cannot be held responsible for everyone's well-being, Jesus taught us to love unconditionally. All people. Love all people. Is an act of love attempting to make a space as loving, accepting, and peaceful for all around? Could a simple gesture of breathing instead of screaming at your partner if only to make the surroundings peaceful be an act of kindness? Of course, there are situations when you need need need to let it out for your own health and safety. However, I propose that we can create goodness and love in keeping a space as loving as we can. I also propose that we can stop a lot of bad energies or weird energies from affecting us totally.

      Instance where I am not keeping my inner-peace, my mouse is acting like crazy right now and keeps right-clicking when I'm not and won't let me regularly click and it was driving me up a wall! (breathing) But, I shall restore inner-peace and remember that it actually won't kill me.

      So, what else can we do in acts of love? What's the extent? Are we in charge of keeping other people in a peaceful mindset? Can we be more aware of when we might be affecting someone in a bad way, and can we prevent that? Sometimes it's a battle that is bigger. But in those cases, to keep the love for yourself and others, seeking the necessary help is essential.

      I think we often forget how we can affect others. Meaning, I think we constantly need to be reminded. We are too busy living our lives to remember, but remembering might lead to a peaceful, more loving life in our lives. So, isn't it worth remembering and reminding ourselves?

      "We love because he first loved us." -- 1 John 4:19

Woo!

Mary Taylor

The Fine Line Between Defeat and Success

      Success is weirdly close to defeat. Sure, there seems to be a clear difference between the two, right? I mean, you feel awesome when you succeed and you feel rotten when you're defeated. Right? That's how the world works. Black and white. Bam.

      The other day, I was in combat class. In this class, we always have this physical warmup and it never fails to kick my butt. Every Tuesday and Thursday, I drag my feet to class knowing my I will soon hate (but still love) my professor for making me go through my paces. And then again. And again. This Thursday was no exception, however he brought to the work two things I hate. The wheelbarrow (where someone is grabbing your legs and you walk with your hands), and handstands. First, I hadn't done the wheelbarrow since I was in, like, fourth grade. I am not the agile youngling I was when I was in fourth grade. I was struggling. Mind you, all during that class, a very athletic and awesome friend kept saying to me "remember, Mary. 'Can't be stopped!'" Which became our motto. Anywho, those were a huge struggle. My core was working so hard and my trust in my arms' strength was not as up to par as it needed to be. So, I didn't finish. But I did it. Then, out of embarrassment but yet determination (knowing what I need to work on to kill it next time), I wanted to cry so badly. My "Can't be stopped" friend came over and hugged me. I breathed in deeply. Nothing could be as terrifying and awful as that.

      Then, we did handstands across the floor. For those who aren't as comfortable with it, there was a station set up on the side where the professor and TAs (teaching assistants) would help those who needed help. My thoughts: "I could just not go over there. He wouldn't exactly know." But, I thought "okay, you know what, I'll go over there, do what I can, and be done." Knowing that in the past, the best I could do was to get my hands to the floor and sort of, kind of, not really push my leg off and then maybe the other leg. So, I went over there. Making sure I was the absolute last to go because I was so scared.

"It's all in your head, May Tay. You got this!" Said my friend.

      Constantly pushing me to do my very best. I know. But maybe I just didn't want to or maybe we'll just call it a day here, or

Never mind it's my turn.

      Stalling as much as I could, my teacher doing the handstand over and over and over. Showing me different ways to get into it. I got into the stance I was most comfortable starting in and pushed off a little. All I trusted my arms to be comfortable with. I thought that would be it. That's the end of it. I'm done. We can move on to other stuff. Right?

      Wrong. My professor insisted I take the stance and they (him and the TAs) grab my legs and put me in the correct handstand stance.      Okay.... I mean how horrible could it be, right?

      They began. Needing a little more effort than they would on any other student because of my body right now, a couple more students jumped in to help. I was halfway there and thought "oh. This is it? Psh. I got this." Then all the way. I was screaming. I couldn't comprehend anything except for how weird and absolutely scary this was. They finally let me down. My professor breathing heavily because of all the tension in my body, he assured me that, with some work and concentration, I can get there. I was shaking -literally shaking- with fear and... weirdness...

      Then applause. Cheering. My "can't be stopped" friend hugged me so tightly. I sobbed. Out of embarrassment and determination and fear and... I think... excitement.

"I knew you could do it, May Tay."

      I've always adored this friend, but since that day, we see each other differently now. As though we share this secret of success and awesomeness. Him seeing me as a proud father sees his daughter, me as a student who owes so much to a simple phrase, "can't be stopped."

      But yet.

      The rest of that day, I felt as though I was defeated. I mean, they needed more people to help lift me. I was embarrassed that the attention was on me, and not in a wanted way. I felt as though I'd lost.

      However, the next day, I saw completely differently. I knew I could do it. I knew what I needed to work on. Suddenly, I felt as thought that day I succeeded.


      A big general question on a lot of college apps and job apps is "what is your definition of 'success'?" And so many people do that thing where "it means I'm happy." But we forget about those little successes. We have them all the time. And for a long long time, they don't look like successes. They can look a lot like defeats.

      And there are also times when we are defeated. And God mourns those times as we do, but He also turns those defeats into successes. We may be blind to it, or can't hear Him working, but He always does.

      Breakups suck. But after a few, you may find the perfect one. And it turns into a wonderful, flourishing relationship.  Success.

      Not getting the job sucks. But then, after a few tries, you get the best job with the best people. Success.

      Changing a lifestyle can really suck. If you're dieting and exercising, you may fall off the wagon so many times, you've lost count. But you end up getting back on and, after a while, you begin to feel so great!  Success.

      We all perceive success differently. Sometimes we even mistake it for defeat. But in those times, God will always make a successful person out of you.

"I can do all things through him who strengthens me." --Philippians 4:13 

Woo!

Mary Taylor

 

Post Ash Wednesday 2K15

      I guess this is "officially" a year ago I started this blog. The first Thursday of Lent. And I gotta say, I am so pumped to do it again, but differently (obviously). I am so excited to see what else I explore, discover, find. And I am so pumped to be going on this journey with my readers (meaning my parents. Thanks, mom and dad!)

      Through last year's Lenten season, I explored what I knew and wanted to know about God and the Bible and brought it to my life. I don't know what God has in store for me this Lenten season, but I am excited to find out where I end up on Easter Sunday this year.

      So, my Lenten promises this year! One, to write this blog. Every day. Every day. E v e r y d a y. I got this. Two, Cutting back on simple carbs. No, it's not totally that weird thing some people do in which they treat Lent as a reboot to their New Year's Resolutions. It's that I find myself always going to that. Like too much. I can't help that pasta is the most delicious thing! It's gonna be tough, but what we learn in this season is that all things (even giving up some of the closest things to Heaven on Earth there is, next to cheesecake) are possible through Christ and that these worldly things are just that, worldly. Whereas Christ is eternal. So, may I learn that this Lenten season and may it sink deeper.

      Let's do it!

      “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life."  --John 3:16


Woo!
Mary Taylor




This is a picture of what I see when I enter my hometown. From a great photographer from home!

Trust Fall!

      What does it mean to be Christian?

      I was discussing this with a friend earlier today and she said that she had read an article about what it actually means to be Christian. The article said something along the lines of yes, Jesus said to love each other, and that is the most important thing and to live awesome lives. But is that actually all? Further, the article spoke about the difference in the Christian is the giving up will to God. Knowing you are not in total control and that there is a higher purpose.

      Pretty interesting, right? All this time, I thought being a Christian meant to be loving and understanding and living as awesome of a life as I can. And while that's definitely awesome and part of it, there is no denying that I also rely on God.

      Being in this society, we often are proud and independent people. Which is actually so so awesome. And I am part of that strong, proud independent population. And I forget so many times that, actually, I am not alone in doing any of this. I wouldn't say I'm not in control, because I can always choose not to go the path God led my to (whether I know it or not, or it becomes clear later).

      In class, we were paired up with one other person and one would lead and the other would follow. With their eyes closed. Leaving practically all control in the partner's hands. That exercise highlighted a lot about me. Mainly, and most notable: I hate letting go of control and trusting.

      Luckily for me, God knows my faults such as that and has catered my journey to how I am dealing with it now. However, sooner or later, the control will be taken away, even if only for a short time. So, how will I handle it? Will I constantly want to open my eyes, just for a second, to get a hint of where I am? Or will I put all of my total trust in God, knowing He is there always, no matter what?

      I have always tried seeing through the tiny slits of my squinty eyes. But maybe I fully close my eyes and trust Him. Rely on Him for the twists and turns, and even the straight paths in my life. To give and take with the relationship with God, just like any other relationship. To lean on God and give up my pride. Admit failure, questions, needs.

      What would happen? What kind of Christian will I become?

      Let's find out.

"For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, 'Fear not, I am the one who helps you.'"   --Isaiah 41:13

Woo!
Mary Taylor

     
 
     

Let Life Live

      I'm actually not a stressed human. I'm not. My professors may agree and then cringe because I'm almost too not stressed. About homework, about deadlines, about much of anything. But for some reason, I always stress about the future. I always feel like I need to know the answers to all of those "what are you going to do?" "how are you going to pay?" "where are you going to go?" questions asked of me, especially a year away from graduating. And, actually, it's not even the stress of answering the older ladies in the back of the church. It's that I want to know the answers. Like desperately. Sure, I have goals (some might say too many goals), but there are so many factors and so many reasons why I actually literally cannot answer those questions.

      First of all, that age-old thing about "you never know what's going to happen." It's so true. In my life, I have set goals and, actually, I have a pretty good track record of, sooner or later, making them happen. But it's what's in between that sooner and that later that takes up a lot of space. I made the goal to go to college for acting, but I didn't think it would take 5 years. I made the goal to lose weight, but I didn't count for the countless times I would fall of the horse. I made the goal of getting a job and earning my own money, but I never thought I'd get a janitor job as a first job. Nor did I think it would be so hard to find a summer job the next summer.

      Staying in that vein of not knowing, my wants and needs change constantly at this point in my life. My priorities now are way different than they were even a year ago. Now, I'm about changing my body to promote the healthiest, best me I can be. Next year, maybe I'll be all about figuring out where I live after school or how I manage or finding a job. Who knows how this year is going to treat my outlook on life.

      I want to know what my life looks like in 10 years. Like so badly. Am I a well-off actor living in the hills of California? Am I a starving artist in New York living with 6 different roommates, barely scraping by for rent money? Maybe I'm a work-from-home mom in the suburbs or some place in the Midwest. I have no clue.

      And, though I know God knows where I will be eventually, I don't know that He knows when I will be there either. I mean, human error and free will plays a part in this. He may drop something on my lap, a path He wants me to take, and I don't get that hint until 5 years later when it's too late and I have to take this huge long detour to get back to that.

      God walks with us, always knowing where He sees me going for my future, but never quite knowing where I'm going to step next. But the great thing about that is, He lets us make those missteps and learn from them. No matter what, we end up happy. Somehow. Through whichever path we make for ourselves. There is so much joy in not knowing how we grow and continue through our path. So much joy. A little stress for those who want/need to know what's going to happen next, but so much joy in taking that journey with an open mind and heart. Take the journey with pride, love, and excitement.

Woo!
Mary Taylor

Still Needs Some Work...

      You ever say something, and before it even exits your mouth, you know it was a huge mistake? Yeah, that happens to me a lot. Like a lot more than I'd ever like to admit. Normally it follows that vein of saying the punchline that no one asks for, or trying to tell someone what they want to hear, or sometimes the brutal, honest truth. But maybe in not the most calm, cool, and collective way. In these times, I am reminded of those key chains my friends in elementary school had that read "WWJD?" What would Jesus do? Then I answer "well, certainly not what just was thrown out of my mouth..."

       So, how do you deal with that?

      Me, personally, I just say "sorry" over and over again hoping someone hears me. Even when someone does say "Mary, it's all right, I forgive you," I'm still freaking out because what I said will forever be out in the universe. Always floating around in peoples' heads. What do I do about that? Some part of that person will always remember that thing that I said that was way out of line or super offensive or too brutally honest. How do I deal with that?

      Personally, no clue.

      However one way to start is by noticing how that makes me feel. I mean, saying that thing, using those words, raising my voice, those didn't make me feel good. What about them didn't make me feel good? Well, there were the words. Or that thing about the voice being raised. Okay, okay. So, how do go from here, though?

      Well, again, no clue. A guess, though: you go on. Let that thing that affected you affect you and know how you don't want to feel ever again and try to make it not happen. One thing I always remember after the fact, but always helps me for future (until I forget again and follow impulse): think before speaking or acting on something. I love being spontaneous and doing everything in the moment. But sometimes the old ticker needs a lap around the place every once in a while.

      What about all those people and how they think of me? Well, yeah, they might see you in a different light for a second. But you gotta ride that wave you made for yourself. I paddled all the way out there, time to finish riding the wave. It may be rocky and bumpy and a shark may bite my face off, but gotta do it.

      Also, always remember that God knows your heart and mine. God wipes away all guilt, no matter how large or small. Does that mean what I said or did or how I said it or did it was good and I'll be rewarded? No. But, God, being that unconditional lover He is, finds some way to forgive all of our faults and sins. And quickly, at that.

      There will always be repercussions on all of your actions. No matter what. Good or bad. Riding the wave is where all the lessons are learned and people grow and our knowledge for love is deepened because God has deepened it.

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." --Proverbs 12:18

Woo!
Mary Taylor

Long Distance Calls

      Recently, I've started wondering why we as Christians pray. I mean, The Bible says over and over that God knows our heart. As the famous Evangelical preacher, Billie Graham says, God knows all the stuff going on in the world, yet takes the time to count every hair on my head. He knows our needs, our wants, our sins, everything. Why do we need to pray about it?

      When I was in high school, a great pastor named Andy spoke on the father figure we have in God. God the Father. In that time of teen angst in which I disagreed with just about everything either of my parents (specifically my mother, if I'm honest) said, those sermons always stuck out to me. Treating God as He was my father and my parents as if they were special gifts from God to me. Because they are. And re-watching the series Parenthood (from NBC. If you don't know it, watch it! It is so good!), I'm reminded of how much distance is between a teenager and the parents. All the parents are trying to do is continue having the good relationships with their children, while the teenagers can't seem to see why their parents insist on ruining their very adult, I-can-take-care-of-myself lives. However, no matter how much the teenagers don't want to spend time with their parents, we find bits of time when they pour their hearts out, and we see just why the parents continue to try to build this bond. Then, we eventually see the adult kids having strong bonds with their parents, who are now grandparents of their kids' kids.

      This situation is not unlike our relationship with God. Some in that teenager phase in which they can handle their situations fine. Some are in that further developed relationships in which they go to God constantly, if only to speak with Him. Age, in this case, tends to not really matter as much.

      No matter where you may fall on the spectrum, God always wants a deeper relationship. He wants to hear our joys, concerns, etc.

      In school, especially this college setting, there is a lot of discussion once a new subject is introduced. Do we get it? Can someone elaborate? Does someone want to riff off of that? All sorts of stuff. The professors tend to love when that happens. They get to see if what their teaching is landing. And if it's not, they can try to explain it another way. Which is another way I've started looking at prayer.

      Prayer is not only a great conversation, a very intimate conversation with God. One that might build the relationship even deeper and fuller. But prayer, to me, is also this way of trying to understand what God is throwing at you. Or maybe what human error, or free will, or the world (however it might have happened and however you see it) might have thrown at you. Prayer can also be this great time of rejoice when, even on your worst days, you can celebrate all the (even) tiny goods happening in your life.

      Sometimes, though, one just cannot put into words everything that is one one's heart. In which case, I tend to trust that God knows. Asking for his guidance to put those things on my heart into words that I might explain, or put it another way so that I might explain. Or simply to "take all of the things that are on my heart and lift them up to you, Father."

      Overall, though I pray at the weirdest times, I've come to understand what prayer is to me at this point in my life. The meaning and depth behind my prayers always shift. My praying has certainly shifted and grown since I first started trying it out. Sometimes, I have those rebellious times in which I think "psh, I got this," forgetting, however, just who my #1 advocate is and how, in many ways, I need and crave his guidance.

      Prayer means so much to so many people. Prayer looks so different from person to person. However it's done, though, prayer can impact the world. For God knows our hearts. He knows every tree in every forest and still has time to count every strand of hair on my head. He moves mountains and creates rivers. Constantly, I feel Him moving mountains in my life. And that little convo time is the best I have to offer. But I think that's His want.

"Pray without ceasing." -- 1 Thessalonians 5:17

Woo!

Mary Taylor

#NewYearsStats

    Most popular statistic of a new year that everyone likes to remind anyone with a New Year's Resolution is something akin to "Only 8% of those making New Year's resolutions will achieve them." If you're anything like me, more often than not, you go really strong with those resolutions for a few weeks, then a hiccup comes, and you abandon them.

      Something I keep forgetting when I let another day go by without going back to my resolutions, thinking I should just give it up and do it next year is that, though a year seems like a short amount of time, it is actually a pretty big difference. I mean, yeah, three weeks could go by without a resolution thought whatsoever, but, really, it's only three weeks out of the 52 weeks in the year. Sure, it's not as great as not letting those static three weeks go, but why give up because of three lousy (but awesome and fun-filled) weeks go by?

      I've been trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle, and, oddly enough, since I've let this blog go for about three weeks, it has been hard to keep it up. Any number of things could attribute to that: school, work, normal cravings for, like, bacon cheeseburger pizza every Friday... not that that's me.

It totally is.

      Anywho, I think it's pretty notable that once one resolution fell by the wayside, I let the other. It is informative and tells me a lot about me and how I work. Which I think can be spoken about many of us suffering from New-Years-Resolution-Limbo. Do we let one little hiccup crumple our plans for 2015? Do we let that ripple into other responsibilities? How can we grow form knowing this stuff about us?

      "I can do all things through him who strengthens me" --Philippians 4:13

     

      No matter the resolution, or hope, or want, no matter how many times we fall, He strengthens and gives us power to live through it and do those things we want or need or hope. 

Woo!

Mary Taylor

 

 

Yes!! Soon it will happen!!